Ever so Sorry

Sorry I haven't been around. My mom is having some health issues resulting in major surgery tomorrow. I will be back. I have to tell you about my fabulous trip to Florida!

Are we outside again?

How cute is Bronte's official soccer picture???

Bronte played in a soccer tournament today. It was a lovely day for a soccer tourney...50 degrees, gray, drizzly. The kids were fine but I was miserable. I hate being cold. I was in my chair, wrapped up in my blanket, thanking God that only one of my children is athletic. Brenna is like me, she only likes to do outdoor things in ideal weather.

I hope that someday Brenna finds someone who is independently wealthy to take care of her as she is not equipped what-so-ever to deal with adversity. Good thing she is smart, pretty and talented. She also has this sweet, unassuming way about her that people are just attracted to. No doubt she will do well in her dating career.

So, back to the soccer tournament. Bronte plays in something called the soccer "Academy". It's for kids who are too young to play on the hard-core travel teams but still are hard-core and don't want to just be on a soccer team for the cool shirt and the end of the year pizza party. Bronte LOVES soccer. She particularly loves playing defense because it's a good excuse to throw an elbow or two or to trip a kid under the guise of trying to get the ball. The kid is aggressive. Push her and she will push right back, no matter how big the opponent.

Brenna and Bronte couldn't be more different.

Brenna takes ballet. Bronte takes hip-hop.
Brenna's favorite movie is Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Bronte's favorite movie is Iron Man.
Brenna is afraid of all bugs, even butterflies. Bronte likes to carry Cicadas around and would like to keep one in her room.
Brenna is very polite and soft-spoken. Bronte's two favorite phrases are, "That sucks!" and "Holy Crap!"

I love my kids. I love that they are so different. When I was pregnant with Bronte I prayed to have a boy because I didn't think I could ever love another daughter as much as I love Brenna. Well, God had different plans. He gave me another daughter but made her so dissimilar to her sister that I love her with the same intensity for completely different reasons. It's funny how I can see myself in both of my girls even though they aren't that much alike. Bronte loves to write, for Brenna it is a chore. Brenna loves to sing and is good at it, Bronte....not so much. Bronte likes to know what everyone is talking about but Brenna only cares if it directly pertains to her. Brenna loves to read and can get lost in a book for hours but Bronte has to be TOLD to read.
Of all the things that I have accomplished in my life, my girls are the thing I am most proud of. I always used to think that I was too selfish to be a parent. When I was in college I couldn't fathom spending my money on anything but shoes for ME, ME, ME!!! Now I work so that my kids can play travel soccer and take 5 dance classes a week and have fabulous birthday parties. I realized the other day that I spend more on piano lessons for my kids than I did on my last pair of jeans. Not only that, I haven't had a new pair of jeans in two years or more.
Oh well, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm bringing sexy back

I just want everyone to know that THIS is what I look like when I am just lounging around the house. I wear my robe, my fabulous Betsey Johnson shoes (those bitches are HOT) and my tiara. How about those shoes? They are suede and they are fabulous! I never would have spent money on something so incredibly frivolous, but I got them from my fairy Godfather...I don't know how he knew I needed them, but he did.

Last week was (as usual) an extremely busy one. I had to go to my stupid ass job and come home and make dinner and get kids to their various activities. I haven't had a minute to do anything I want to do; read the paper, go to the gym, eat a meal while sitting at the table...you know. Friday was the one day I was looking forward to because my husband and I had tickets to go see k.d. lang and I LOVE her. However, my Friday schedule looked like this:

6:30 a.m. Get up and get ready for work. Kiss my kids goodbye before school.

8:00 a.m. Get my can of soup and go to work.

1:00 p.m. Leave work and go home to make dinner and put it in the Crock Pot so it would be ready for my kids and my parents who were coming in to baby sit so I could go to the concert.

2:00 Pick up Brenna and her friend from school and take Brenna to piano lessons, take her friend home, go to pick up Bronte from school, get her to piano lessons and write a check to the piano teacher for lessons.

4:00 p.m. Get home and get dressed for the concert.

4:30 p.m. Leave home and get to my mother-in-law's friend's house for the limo to take us into Chicago for the concert.

However, when I was leaving the house to go get Brenna and her friend I saw that I had a package waiting outside my front door. It was addressed to me from my friend Jim in California. I grabbed it and got in the car to go to the Jr. High to get Brenna. When I got to the school I opened the package and inside were THE SHOES. More importantly, there was a note from my friend Jim. He told me that the shoes were beautiful and that he had also enclosed some other fun things, including the tiara. You see, on his blog he has a picture of himself in a tiara:
When I saw this photo on his blog I told him that if I had a tiara I would wear it everywhere, even to the grocery store. SOOOOO, in my package there were THE SHOES and my very own tiara. He told me that he expected to see some very amusing photos of me wearing it very soon.

So here I am getting out of the limo wearing my tiara. Nothing says "of course I took a limo to a k.d. lang concert" like a tiara. Between that and my vintage mohair coat I felt like a princess. (I am not the queen though. Jim is. Look at how he wears his tiara at a jaunty angle. Only a queen can get away with that!)
In any case, I wore that tiara all weekend. I love it. I will share more pics of the tiara later...but if you ever get the chance, get a really heavy tiara and wear it as much as you can. It makes everything better.
Now, here is the thing about Jim. I have never met him. All he knows for sure about me is that I wear size 8 shoes. He reads my blog and I read his. We swap emails and we know stuff about each other...but he has never even heard my voice! But that package on Friday from my fairy Godfather made my day, my week, my year! Because I struggle (as most women do) with my body image, he once told me that I should watch Carson Kressly's show "How To Look Good Naked". Well, let me tell you, Carson has NOTHING on Jim. That box with the shoes and the tiara made me feel like more than just someones mom, or a financial aid specialist, or an ordinary suburban dweller. That box made me feel like a princess.
If I didn't express it before...Thank you, Jim. You are a man among men. I can't wait to show you how fabulous those shoes look on me. IN PERSON!!
Incidentally, the funny thing about the picture at the top where I am wearing my robe and tiara and SHOES...Brenna took it. Tony was watching the Bears vs. Vikings game.

Pretty Vacant

Things that I hate about Sarah Palin:


1. When she was being interviewed by Charles Gibson she kept calling him "Charlie" in her nasal-y annoying accent. Hello! He doesn't go by the name Charlie when he is doing a serious interview. Did she blow him backstage or something which made her feel as though she had the right to use his informal name? I think it pissed him off too because he kept asking her harder and harder questions and asking her to clarify what the fuck she was talking about. At one point he asked her a question twice because he said when she answered it the first time he got "lost in a blizzard of words". She's such an idiot...if she wants the press to be nice to her I see a LOT of gratuitous blow jobs in her future.

2. I hate her glasses. If she were a real hands-on mom to a 5 month old, she would NEVER be able to wear those glasses because her kid would rip them off and destroy them in 2 seconds. Also, as my friend Vicky pointed out, there is no discernible prescription in those glasses. So, she wears them to look smarter...? Too bad they can't actually MAKE her smarter. She's an idiot.

3. What's with that hair bubble on the top of her head? It looks like a tumor. Is she trying to look taller? If she were smarter then she could say that she just has a huge head full of brains, but she's not smart. She's an idiot.

4. Sarah? Ummm...being able to see Russia from your back porch does not make you an expert on foreign policy. Going to the UN for a day of cramming does not make you ready for the Katie Couric interview. You told Charles "Charlie" Gibson that you were a Washington outsider, right? Let me tell you why....You're an IDIOT!

5. In the Katie Couric interview Sarah Palin said about a dozen times that her answer to our economic crisis was to "shore up" the economy. What the fuck does that mean? Well, when Katie tried to get her to expound on that, Palin said that we are in "crisis mode here". Okay. Got it. So what's the answer? Apparently we just need to "shore up". Her PR guy really drove that point home. She also insinuated that people are losing their houses because they were "irresponsible". Really? Ummm....she's an idiot.

I can't wait to see the vice presidential debate. Maybe I will take a drink every time she says "shore up" or "crisis mode". Nah, I have to work on Friday and I really don't want to have a hangover.
In the end here are a few more things I think...
Charlie Gibson is smarter than Sarah Palin.
Katie Couric is smarter than Sarah Palin.
Tina Fey is smarter than Sarah Palin. (So is Amy Poehler)

I can't believe we (as Americans) are even tempted to vote for a ticket with this woman on it. I have been accused of being anti-woman because I don't back her. Well, I am pro-woman. That is why I am NOT voting for Palin who thinks abortion should be illegal even in the case of rape or incest. I am pro-woman because I won't vote for a woman (who, according to some people, represent women all over America) who is going to be more of a laughing stock as a VP than Dan Quayle was. I am pro-woman because I don't back a woman who thinks God sanctions the war in Iraq.
Also, what's up with her kid's names? Track? Trig? C'mon.

Some non-news

Wow. Clay Aiken is gay? What a shock. I can't believe that is on the cover of People magazine. I could care less. I would rather have some really shocking news...for example: If People magazine broke the news that Sarah Palin is gay I would be surprised. What's next? Are they going to get Ricky Martin to pose on the cover with his new baby and proclaim that he is gay? (I'm sure he is.)

Wait! Is that a photo of Clay Aiken or Lindsey Lohan?

In any case, Clay Aiken just became a father. He artificially inseminated a 50 year old woman who is his BFF. (Well, I don't think he PERSONALLY artificially inseminated her.) So, not only does People magazine get to bore us with the details of his "coming out of the closet", but we get to read about how he LOVES changing diapers and how fatherhood changed his life, etc. just like every other celebrity who becomes a parent. Whatever.

Cows, cars and corn dogs!

There's nothing like a good old county fair on Labor Day. We go to the same one every single year: The Walworth County Fair in Wisconsin. It is a family tradition. This year we invited another family to join us and, honest to God, I don't think they had ever been to a county fair before. I say this because when I discovered that I had forgotten my stupid digital camera (which, it turns out, I didn't. It is just so frickin' small I couldn't find it in my backpack.) they offered to take all the pictures we would ever need. Well, they took 478 pictures. It took me 2 hours just to look at them on Shutterfly. Luckily for you, I picked out the best ones and (after obtaining permission from my friends to post photos of them on my blog) here they are:

This is the whole group, except my friend's husband. Obviously, he was taking the picture. I would like to point out to Jim that my husband is not wearing anything tie-dyed but that the tie-dye culture is represented as Crystal and her daughter Emily are both wearing it. So, just in case you don't know who everyone is, from left to right: me, Brenna, Bronte, Sarah (my friend's older daughter), Crystal (my friend), Emily (Crystal's younger daughter) and in the back is my dear Tony. I don't know what the hell he is doing with his hands but since there was no beer to be had at the fair at least we know he wasn't being drunk and stupid.

Now, here is a sign you don't see on every dumpster...
Bronte wanted to touch every single animal she saw. Brenna didn't want to touch ANY animal she saw. I think Brenna walked around with her mini hand sanitizer bottle in her hands. We kept trying to get her to touch something just so we could get a photo of her touching anything besides the Purell. I'm not sure if she ever did touch an animal and I am NOT going to go back and look at all 478 of the fucking pictures to be sure.
Looky! Even I touched a sheep. All I can think of when I look at this photo is, "Wow. I really need a new bra."
Brenna felt completely vindicated when she saw this sign. Ironically, it was posted in the bunny exhibition, which are probably the only animal she would have considered touching. Bronte touched all the bunnies anyway. She didn't give a shit what the sign said.
Ah...the farm vehicle display. Here are Emily (the driver) and Sarah (the poser) checking out the...well, I don't know what they are called...the big red thingy with the scooper. Aren't they cute?
Here is how my kids posed for their photo op. It's just no fun unless someone pretends to be road-kill. Aren't they precious?
Yippeee! We found the John Deere equipment!
Here is the only picture of Glenn, Crystal's husband. He is the most conspicuous consumer I ever met. He must be a joy to shop with...the most fabulous impulse buyer ever. No matter what the display was, by the time we walked up to it he was convinced he needed to buy one. At the boat display he talked about how much he wanted a boat. ATVs? Yep, he wanted one of those. Hot tubs? Gotta have one of those! Tractor? What do you suppose the gas mileage is on this baby? Look at him checking out the cab of this thing. He's seriously considering it.
Seriously, if the camera was out, our kids were posing. I have never seen 4 girls more thrilled to have their picture taken. I imagine that only Jim has more fun posing than Brenna, Bronte, Sarah and Emily.
Don't they look like the Go-Go's in the Vacation video? (You know the one where they are all water-skiing and singing "Vacation, all I ever wanted. Vacation, got to get away!" Am I dating myself? Who remembers that video?)
Here I am doing my Lindsey Lohan impression and kissing my girlfriend. I was having a great hair day. That almost makes up for the crappy bra I wore.
Yummy! Deep fried fair food! I had an egg roll. (Actually, by the end of the day I had 3 egg rolls. They were only a dollar.) Look at the happy fair lady in the booth behind me. Doesn't she just look happy to see me eat? She's probably drunk. I would be if I had to sell food at a fair.
What's the fair without a corn dog?
Or a foot-long corn dog?
This is my favorite part of the fair; The Demolition Derby. It fulfills all my fantasies about ramming my car into every asshole on the road. Glenn was incredibly impressed by the demo derby and took about 100 pictures of it. I told you, they've never been to a fair before.
Yes, we hit the midway. The kids went on every ride except for the giant drop. Bronte was the only one who wanted to go on it and she wasn't tall enough, which totally pissed her off.
Look at how mad Bronte looks. That's because she isn't winning the race. However, Brenna is a notorious cheater so I am sure she pushed off a little before Bronte and Sarah did.

No, Tony isn't pointing at my horrible bra. He is pointing at my Obama button.
This is one of my favorite pictures of Tony. EVER. He is wearing Sarah's sunglasses and just looks so metrosexual. I don't know what prompted this pose. Maybe he was inspired by all the poses the girls had struck during the day.
Sarah and Bronte were the only brave ones who went on this ride. They are pretending to be scared here, but during the course of the ride I think they were actually scared.
Check out the portrait painted on the backdrop for this ride. What the hell...?
Here is a spinny ride that Emily (wisely) refused to go on. Isn't it cute how her shirt matches the ride? One of the carnies told me how they break down and transport all the rides. Let me tell you, it didn't make me feel very good that the drunk carnies can break down one of these spinny things in about an hour.
Bronte started to get a little pissy because she wanted to go on the Giant Drop but wasn't tall enough, so Glenn decided that the girls just needed to play a carnival game and then everything would be better. Either that or he just wanted to throw away $12. So, he picked the "shoot the target with the water gun and make the spinning pedestal with Scooby Doo on it rise to the top first" game. It was a sure thing because our kids were the only ones playing. The funny part was, the barker who was running the game was the only overtly gay carnie I have ever seen. It was like Carson Kressley was running it.
Happily, Bronte won the $12 Scooby Doo. I have to say, in Glenn's defense, it was money well spent. Bronte loves the pink Scooby and sleeps with it every night.
Look, city girls! Corn!
Bronte put a handful of corn down Emily's shirt. I love the reactions!
Ahh!! The big blow up cow. Only in Wisconsin! I think their state motto is "Come and smell our dairy-air!" (Say it out loud. It's funny.)
One of the highlights of the fair are the pig races. Crystal laughed her ass off. Pigs run really fast.
Did I tell you these kids are posers?
Pigs are cute. Or as Bronte wrote in her first grade journal when the teacher told the kids to write about cute little piggies because they had just watched the movie Charlotte's Web, "I love pigs. Pigs are yummy. Bacon comes from pigs. Yummm..." No sentimentality there.
This is where we went right after the pig races. I think we ate last year's athletes.

This was the most vomit inducing ride at the fair. Emily did not go on it. I don't blame her. Bronte and Sarah could not wait to get on it. Brenna needed convincing.
After the kids were strapped in, the floor drops out and the ride spins and swings back and forth. I wanted to barf just looking at it. I think Bronte and Sarah went on it 5 times.

Scary!

Emily (obviously) wasn't really keen about going on this ride either.
But they all ended up loving it.

It was a great day. We ate a bunch of delicious carnival food. We saw the demolition derby. No body puked. All in all, a tremendous success!!

Unspectacular Facts

Okay, so about a month ago I got "tagged" by my friend The HMC and, although I have been successfully avoiding the ramifications of being tagged for upwards of a month now, I figure it is time to respond to the "tagging".
I don't really know what being tagged is, but apparently I have to do exactly what The HMC did on her blog, only I answer the question asked in my own words. Okay then, here goes...


1. Link the person that tagged you. (I have absolutely no idea what that means. Also, if I did know what it means I would probably have to have Tony do it for me because I barely know what I'm doing as it is.)
2. Mention the rules on your blog. (Here you go. These are the rules. By the way, these are the lamest rules I have ever read. I hate rules. Especially for recreational things. Rules are for not-fun things. Like flying or cooking. Blogging is supposed to be fun and I refuse to be hemmed in by RULES. Seriously. Can you imagine if you had to read a bunch of rules every time you did something fun? Take sex, for example. Granted, I do have some "rules" when it comes to sex, but I don't outline them to Tony before we do the deed. I just say, "I don't think so," whenever he gets dangerously close to breaking one. There are just certain things I don't do... OK, back to the stupid rules.)
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours. (I am just going to comment on the stupidity of the previous rule. How can a "quirk" be unspectacular? Don't the words spectacular and quirk just go hand in hand? Quirks are, by nature, funny little things that a person does. If they weren't funny or interesting they wouldn't be "quirks" they would just be "habits", right? So I am warning you now, I did list 6unspectacular things below, but they aren't quirks. All my quirks are spectacular.)
4. Tag 6 following blogger's by linking them. (That doesn't even make any sense.)
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they've been tagged. (The only person I would have tagged would have been Jim and Tony already did that because he's passive aggressive.)

Prepare yourself for my unspectacular-ness.

1. I think sleeping naked is weird. It was almost a deal-breaker for Tony because when he asked me to marry him I paused because I didn't think I could spend the rest of my life sleeping with a naked man. Think of some of the positions in which you sleep.

Now imagine how attractive you would look in one of those positions totally naked. Gross. Not sexy. Particularly The Foetus (the last one pictured above). Inevitably, Tony will be asleep in this position completely covered by the blanket...except his ass. Yummy.
I repeat: Sleeping naked is weird.
2. I always think I left the oven on or the straightening iron plugged in or the back door unlocked when I leave the house. I have been known to turn the car around 3 or 4 times to check on some imagined fire hazard or safety violation of some sort.
3. I quit biting my fingernails, except for the thumb nail on my right hand. I bite it every night before I go to bed and I chew on my cuticles too. I just couldn't go cold turkey.
4. I rarely buy lottery tickets, but when I do buy them and I don't win, I am always really, really surprised. I honestly believe that I am going to win the lottery. I also can't believe that Oprah hasn't come to my house and offered me money to fix my kitchen. What the hell? I live in the Chicago area and I am deserving. What is taking her so long? She gives shit away all the time. Where's MY free shit? Granted, I have never written her a letter, been to her show, visited her website or appealed to her or her "people" in any way shape or form in my entire life. I don't even watch her stupid show. I don't even like her. But, she should still redo my kitchen.
5. I am really struggling to come up with unspectacular things at this point. Hmmm...let's see. Here's one! I always have a toothpick in my purse. Well, technically, I rarely have A toothpick in my purse, I usually have quite a few in there. It would be weird to always have a single toothpick in your purse. That would mean that you just carried around the same toothpick all the time and either never used it or used it over and over. That's disgusting.
I like toothpicks. Everyone should carry around toothpicks because almost everyone needs to use one after they eat. My dad used to keep toothpicks in his car ashtray. He also kept a pack of Doublemint gum in there. Therefore his toothpicks were always minty fresh.
6. I always keep the free address labels sent to me by various organizations looking for donations. I have some from PETA and The St. Jude's Children's Hospital and The Wildlife Federation and many others. However, I never use them. I just have them sitting in various places around the house. I should throw them away.

There you go. All my unspectacular things.
I would like to know everyone's unspectacular things, but I don't know how to tag people and I only know 3 people who have blogs and all three already did this. So, when you comment, just tell me one unspectacular thing about yourself. If you can come up with 6, go for it! It's harder than you think. Especially when you have a superiority complex, like I do.

I missed you!!

Honest to God, you want to know why I haven't written anything in a month? Well, I'll tell you...

First of all, I can't sit down at this damn computer without someone coming in and asking me what I am doing or asking when I am going to be done or telling me that their sister is doing something heinous to them or something. And by the time those distractions have gone to bed I just want to have a glass of wine and calm down and by the time I finish my (water)glass of wine I am too drunk to write anything.

Second of all, you would think I would have more time in the summer since I don't have to run kids to lessons or make lunches for school and I am only working 12 hours a week...but NO! There's always something going on that takes up my time and energy. For example: I taught at Vacation Bible School this summer. (I did this last summer too and have done so for many a summer.) Well, VBS runs an entire week from 9:00 to noon. However, as a teacher I got there at 8:30 and stayed until at least 12:30. Plus, I had two extra kids staying in my house that week because my friend's daughters wanted to go to VBS and it was easier (for my friend) to just have them stay here. Add to that the prep time to be ready to teach. I was teaching 6th grade, so it's not like I could go in there with finger puppets and a smile. Let's face it, if I were teaching 1st grade and they asked some question about the Bible story like, "What's circumcision?" I could just say, "It's when a boy has his....oh look! A chicken!" and all the kids would spend 20 minutes looking for the chicken and forget about foreskin. In 6th grade they would have real questions about the Bible story like, "Why did the Jews have to sacrifice the fatted calf and where did they do it and did everyone have an altar and why would a loving God tell Abraham to sacrifice his son and why would a father do that?"

Love ya, kid. Now just hold still while I slit your throat.

The chicken ploy rarely works in that instance. So, I had to prepare. Additionally, I was really, really sick with bronchitis and had the mother of all sore throats. I think I went to bed at 9:00 every night that week.

Third of all, I am still working. Granted, I only work two days a week and only from 8:00 until 2:00. AND I work whatever two days I want and if I don't feel like going in because I want to go to Galena or teach VBS or something I just tell them I'm not coming. AND I work for about a half an hour before I get hungry and go get something to eat. AND I tend to answer the phone and end up spending 20 minutes on the phone with a student or a student's parent even if they have a really simple question because we just "get to talking" and the next thing I know we are BEST FRIENDS...but it is still taxing on me. Seriously. For example, I went into work one Thursday and went into my bosses office, shut the door and told him all the things that went on around the office that bugged me. I mean, someone left an empty pop can on my desk and my office mate is a slob who complains incessantly, etc. Then, the following week I came in and there was crap all over my desk (which I sit at for approximately 12 hours a week as opposed to the full time people who work 40 hours) and my favorite highlighter was gone and I had to spend a good half an hour cleaning off my desk and looking for my highlighter. I was so pissed off that I brought it up at our department meeting. The next day I was mad because my boss brought in a bunch of temps who messed up all the files and gave people all the wrong information and I was going to have to spend my whole day fixing what they had fucked up. I complained to the second in command and to my office mate and to the woman who trained me. Ten minutes later my boss came in my office and said, "Carolyn. When you have a minute will you come to my office please?" I looked at my office mate and said, "Shit. I'm going to get in trouble for complaining." Tell me this isn't STRESSFUL!! So, I went back to his office and he handed me a paper and said, "I decided to bump you up." What?? After all the bitching I had done for the past two weeks my reward was a raise. I'm not kidding you. And not just some piddly 50 cent an hour raise either. (I'm only part time so I get an hourly rate...) No, no, no. I got a $4.00 an hour raise! Imagine if I worked a little harder! I think I got the raise just because everyone in the office likes me and thinks I'm funny. Plus, I'm always bringing in food because I like to bake but I hate to eat. Either way, I figure I'm never going to get fired now unless I strip naked and dance around with financial aid files covering my ass. Even then, I'd probably just get a warning.

Forth of all, I have been really stressed about my tan. I am about the whitest person you will ever meet, for the most part. But in the summer I like to be tan because it's hard enough putting on a bathing suit...being really, really white doesn't help. So, after consulting with my friend Jim, I decided to go the spray-tan route. Jim even sent me coupons via email because he is the best cyber-friend ever! I am going to be really disappointed if he isn't this really handsome, stylish gay man who lives a glamorous life of travel and excitement in LA and is really a complete dork of a poser who lives in his mother's basement in Baltimore. That would suck. In any case, I spray tanned a couple of times and I spent a lot of time at the pool with my kids so I could maintain my "pay no attention to the effect gravity has had on my boobs, just admire my glow" of a tan. Well, my pool time has been limited as of late and so my tan is fading so I have become obsessed with self-tanners. BUT, I am too stupid to put them on evenly (which has nothing to do with the fact that I put on my self-tanner at night after my medicinal water-glass of wine) so I end up with some pretty fun fake-tan patterns on my legs. So then I spend an inordinate amount of time with my Bath and Body Works Sensual Amber body scrub and my loofah in the shower so I can wear capris to work without looking like, well, like an idiot who put on her self-tanner when she was drunk.

Fifth of all, and on a more serious note, my dad has been going steadily downhill and although my mother seems to be holding up really well I can't help but worry about her. My dad doesn't remember how to get in the car anymore. You have to tell him which leg goes in first and tell him to duck his head so he doesn't hit it and then you have to tell him where he's going because he doesn't even know where home is anymore. He can't carry on a conversation or even put together a coherent sentence. I don't know how my mom carries on from day to day. This summer while I was working, she and my dad would come in and hang out with the kids until I got home. Mom would do some of my laundry or make the beds and she would play games with the kids and go for walks with them and actually have real conversations with them. Then I would come home and we would talk and sometimes they would stay for dinner or stay and watch the Cubs game or whatever. One day she re-arranged the cabinets in my laundry room which I don't like but will never change because she was so excited to show me and so pleased to be able to help. I liked the way I had them arranged, but in the grand scheme of things I don't really give a shit. My mom is WAY more important than where the Spray 'n Wash is. (And don't tell me to go ahead and put them back the way they were. She checks when she comes over.) In any case, I spend a lot of time worrying about them. And because school goes in soon, next week is the last week they will be coming in to "babysit" for the girls. I know how much my mom has enjoyed being here. As a matter of fact, on the phone tonight she was telling me that she realized and was sad that next week was the last week she was needed. How can I tell her that she is always "needed" and that I want her to keep coming? I am going to have to think of reasons for them to come over twice a week! It means so much to all of us and I know it helps keep her sane. ARRRGGGHHH!! I never counted on my parents getting old! I'm not grown up enough to deal with it! I just want my mommy and daddy to be the same forever and ever.

So, sorry I haven't been blogging more. I've been a little busy. Oh, and I went to a George Michael concert, my daughter's dance recital, Brenna turned 13 and had a "Mall Crawl" birthday party which was fantastic, Bronte played in the girl's softball All-Star game and threw out two girls in one inning, I went to an all-day music festival with the girls, went to Galena, a minor-league baseball game (which was a riot), and got my hair highlighted which I decided I absolutely hate.

How's your summer?