Not that there's anything wrong with that....

Now I am engrossed in another children's book. Actually, it is intended for young adults, which means it is barely a step above a children's book.It is called "Twilight" and it is a love story. It's about a girl who moves to Washington State to live with her father (because she's been living with her mother) and falls in love with a boy in her new high school. He falls in love with her too, but he has a little secret....he's a vampire. It sounds really stupid, but it's been amazingly good so far. The boy she falls in love with is supposed to be beautiful (as befits a vampire) and I just keep picturing Brad Pitt in Legends of The Fall. In any case, the book is really well written and it makes me feel like I got ripped off in high school. I feel like I totally would have gone for the hot vampire when I was 17, regardless of the risks. But I didn't. I dated the same guy for both my junior and senior year. Rick. He went to a different high school than I did and I think that there was some doubt among my peers that he actually existed. I mainly dated him for his car. It was a beautiful green Mach I with a stick shift and an 8 track player.

So, he broke up with me at prom and I was pissed! I had been asked by at least 6 other guys in my class and turned them all down to go with Rick. I told him to just leave and I would get a ride home with someone else. So he did leave, sort of. He left the hotel where the prom was being held and sat in his car in the parking lot and waited for me to come out. He probably masturbated, the horny bastard. In any case, I did finally come out but I had already found another ride home (with one of the most popular guys in my class. I convinced him to ditch his date and hang out with me instead. He was, alas, not a vampire though.) and I told Rick, basically, that I didn't care how fine his car was I was not going to have sex with him. I wasn't going to have sex with anyone that night. At this point, the guy I was now with was probably really bummed. The girl he took to prom probably would have done him, and now he was stuck with me!

In any case, I did eventually have sex. (Not that night...please!) My first experience was so terrible that I started crying right afterwards, turned to my boyfriend and said, "I'm sorry I'm a lesbian." Seriously. It was just awful. Little did I know that the reason I hated it so much was entirely HIS fault. When I tried it again I went for an older man who I thought would have more experience. (I really didn't want to be a lesbian. As I once heard a female comedian say, "I can't be a lesbian. I don't even like licking stamps.") Well, it turned out that he didn't have a lot more experience, but the experience he did have he put to REALLY good use. Plus he had a lot of enthusiasm and I was young enough to not have any weird hang-ups about my body or anything. I should probably call him and thank him sometime. Not that I wouldn't have been a really good lesbian or anything, I love women in general and would rather look at a naked woman than a naked man (they're prettier) but I just don't want to kiss them.