It's really hard to be a good Christian. I know that it's part of our human "sinful" nature to screw up and, as a Christian, to be able to recognize it and repent but it seems like I am going to have to spend an inordinate time praying for forgiveness lately. I am going to blame that on have a pre-teen daughter. This morning she was bound and determined that she wasn't going to take a shower even though that is what she does every morning before school. When Tony woke her up and said, "Good morning sweetie! Time to get up and take a shower," she replied with a simple, "No." Not that she wasn't going to get up, but that she just wasn't going to take a shower. So, I listened as Tony reminded her how she takes a shower every morning and she said she just wasn't going to take one. Then he told her that she should just go get in the shower because I was going to make her take one anyway. She said no. Then he took her Ipod away for a day. Brenna said she didn't care. Then he took it for 2 days. As she argued (while laying on the floor of her room, I might add) Tony said, "Fine. I'll take it for a week." And that is when she she started screeching, "No! No! I don't want to take a shower."
Well, I guess this is when a good Christian mother would intervene and say something like, "Brenna, let's pray for a minute until we calm down," or "Is this what Jesus would want you to do; argue with your parents?"
But, I already admitted that I am a flawed sinful human being so it will come to no surprise that I opened the door to her room and screamed, "I don't give a shit what you want! Get in the shower. NOW!!"
Okay, at this point a good Christian mother would feel really bad and calmly apologize to her daughter for swearing and ask her why she didn't want to take a shower and then talk about it. But, as previously established, I am a floundering Christian parent and I just glared at her until she got up off the floor and got a towel and headed off to the shower.
Did I mention that I try really hard to be a good mother? That I really want to raise my children in a Christian environment and be a calm reasonable mother that responds well to every situation? I imagine other mothers praying with their kids every night before they go to bed and smiling as their children act inappropriately while thanking God silently that they have such smart spirited kids. Then I imagine their kids stopping their silly tirades and saying, "Mom. I'm sorry. I was behaving badly and I hope you can forgive me. I am going to pray that God helps me be more respectful in the future."
That didn't happen in this case. Before Tony left for work he asked Brenna if she had anything to say to him (he was hoping for an "I'm sorry") and she said, "No."
I was just about ready to lose it with her again, but instead I went to my room and wrote her a note to put in her lunch bag. It said something like this:
Brenna, we had a tough morning. We both need to pray to God for patience and strength. However, you are grounded for a week and can't have any friends over. I love you. Mom "So as those who have been chosen of God, hold and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." Colossians 3:12
Now, don't get me wrong. Brenna is a really great kid. She is smart and funny and usually very well behaved and grateful. But, she just was a brat this morning.
As a Christian, I try to remember the fruits of the Spirit when I am responding to a situation. (The fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I know this because we just went over this in the Bible study I help lead for 4th-8th grade girls. The funny thing is, we were looking at this list and we took the first letters of all the fruits and tried to come up with a way to remember them. So the first letters, in order, are LJPPKGFGS. So the girls are coming up with stupid sayings that don't make any sense like, Light Jellybeans Put Pickles Keep Great Fast Gooey Snot. But, Brenna wanted to come up with an actual saying that made sense. After thinking for a while she came up with this...Lions Jump Past Primates, Killing Giraffes, For God's Sake! I laughed my ass off. I realize she used the Lord's name in vain, sort-of, but it's really funny and I will never ever forget the Fruits of the Spirit now)
Anyway...I feel guilty for not handling this morning in a Christian way, and I do pray for patience and anger management. But I can't guarantee that I won't yell at my kids in anger and frustration again. I, however, can guarantee that no one loves their children more than I do and that I try harder to be a good mom than anyone I know. I want to be a good Christian, but I also have to be an honest one. I can't be Susie Sunshine all the time, and I don't start every day with Bible Study with my kids and I don't fall to my knees and pray over every situation. I don't always listen to Christian music and I watch movies with sex in them and I swear and gossip sometimes. (More swearing than gossip, but I am guilty of both.) But, I love Jesus Christ and I feel Him in me. And I feel bad when I screw up. And I am trying...
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9 comments:
Don't forget, the concept of forgiveness also applies to your ability to forgive yourself. You are a wonderful parent who is doing a wonderful job raising a caring, intelligent, gifted child. You deserve your own forgiveness.
And don't forget Proverbs 13-24:
"He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes."
heh heh. So this is what I have to look forward to? Well, as you can imagine coming from your heathen friend, I really don't think you should beat yourself up over this - sounds like pretty standard pre-teen behaviour to me and you had exactly the same response my dad used to have. And I turned out alright. I think. He once got me out of bed for school with a glass of water dumped on me (I was resisting). In the winter. In Chicago. (who wouldn't want to stay in bed?) I was very prompt about getting up after that.
I am learning all about the "pick your battles" thing. Somehow I doubt that the shower will be it for us - I don't think that I care that much about it (this will come back to bite me in the ass when I live with a smelly unwashed teenage boy - I am just hoping that sex and the hope of getting some will motivate cleanliness by that time) right now I am trying to pick between hitting, screaming, and shoving. He really can't go into lockdown for all three at once - explain that to a 14 month old who is melting down at the end of a long day - and perhaps I should stop calling it "lockdown"...
Okay - Although I have not had the pleasure of recreating - I am stumped about the shower issue. Was it really that big of a deal - maybe she was just tired or cold or feeling lazy and luckily she is not YET boy crazy and not YET obsessed with her appearance... Sounds like she is moody, ie a teenager and sounds like an in home power struggle that got everyone angry and ruined their day.
Even if your child is unwashed one day - it is OKAY and not a reflection on either parent. Teachers expect this - one more smelly kid in class is no big deal!
That is what deodorant and perfume are for..
Take a deep breath - life is too short - it has nothing to do with the Christian thing or good parenting - let it go - save your energy for the high school battles, you know - dating, staying out all of that... Yikes!
Well, I would'nt have pegged this as a "Christian" issue. WWJD in this situation? I am gonna guess that he would not have taken a shower. I don't think that he took a lot of showers. Of course he was a Jew back then, so I guess he was a bit of a wildcard. I do know that the jews of the time were very clean(as much as living in the dirt of the desert would permit) as the Kosher laws demostrate,for example.
So, she does'nt want to take a shower, not that big of a deal. I would be more concerned after, say, day 3 of no shower, then I would baptize. Until then, I would verbally reinforce the theory of "cleanliness is next to godliness" . So long as she does not become 300lbs overweight, start collecting cats, and desire to move to a trailer by herself, then I think you can let this episode go.
I really related to this one Carolyn. I love your honesty - not many people I know are honest about their parenting issues. So many people I know want everyone to think they are perfect parents. I admit I am not (I just yelled at my kids last night for what now seems like a really small thing - sometimes I forget they are still little kids) and every day I wake up and vow to do a better job. Tears are running down my face right now. Thanks for letting me know that I am not alone!
Oh Vicki W!! We all lose it with our kids. Any mother who tells you otherwise is lying. The trick is to try to be honest about it...the more you relate bad mom stories the more you hear from your friends that they've done it too! I remember having a really bad morning with Brenna once and sending her to school (on the bus) crying. My last glimpse of her that morning was her little face pressed against the window waving at me with tears pouring down her cheeks. And I remember that I didn't wave back. I got in the car and went to my friend's house. She has 4 kids, so I knew I could talk to her. I walked in and burst into tears. She brought me a vodka and 7-up (at 8 a.m.) and told me about the time she duct taped one of her kids to the wall. I felt much better.
This blog made me feel great. You are probably thinking that it is because I too, yell at my kids and now I can feel better knowing that I am not alone in my sinful ways. Well, I do yell at my kids but knowing that Carolyn yelled at hers didn't make me feel better. It was finding out that Brenna is not a perfect kid. She is so wonderful that I almost feel bad for her sometimes. She is asked to carry a lot of responsibility because she is so cabable in all areas. It is nice to see her being a normal kid. But you should yell at her, Carolyn, because this is what normal, good moms do.
I feel better too. But, that reminds me of one time last year when Benjamin was in Kindergarten and he did something right before the bus was coming to deserve a time out. He served his time out, the bus came, and he left without a kiss goodbye from me. He wasn't crying when he left, but told me when he got home that he cried on the bus all the way to school. Okay, so now he never leaves without a kiss - lesson learned.
Hi, thanks for your version of LJPPKGFGS :-) so cute, but maybe not so politically correct for Sunday school! I actually changed it to "Lions Jump Past Primates Killing Giraffes For Good Steak".
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