Tomorrow is my Bible Study and I am gearing myself up for it. By this I mean that I finished all the study questions and I am trying to decide what to wear. I don't want to look like I am trying too hard, but my daily attire is usually jeans and Doc Martins and either a long sleeve t-shirt with a sweater over it or a long sleeve t-shirt with a short sleeve t-shirt over it (depending on whether or not I've recently been to a concert. Remember in high school when you would go to a concert and buy a t-shirt and have to wear it the next day? Well, I never really out-grew that. The day after I went to see Casting Crowns with my daughter and her best friend and her best friend's mother who is one of my best friends, I wore my t-shirt. On the front it says, "My crown belongs to Jesus." It was interesting to see the reactions I got. The girl at Starbucks who took my coffee order said, "Hey. Love the shirt." Some people looked at it and got surly...like I was going to try to "save" them immediately. I still try to wear that shirt to places where I think I will get the most reaction. In most cases it does improve the service I receive because no one wants to mess with a crazy Jesus-lady. It's bad for one's karma, man.)
Anyway, needless to say, with that attire and my short hair and my rectangular purple Prada glasses I look like a lesbian, albeit an artsy one. That's fine with me, but I am afraid that the women in the Bible Study would be scared. You have to dress for your audience, you know. So I will probably wear something less subtly confrontational. I have to mention here that in one of the first weeks of our study the "lecture" dealt with the abomination that is homosexuality and that it is not just morally wrong but perverted and unnatural. The lecturer then told us that her brother practiced homosexuality for years until he was "saved" and now he's okay with the Lord. I honestly couldn't believe that she was saying this OUT LOUD to a crowd of 250 women! Surely someone was going to be offended. Especially since our lecturer looks like a line-backer sized Ellen DeGeneres and wears white shirtwaists and a navy blazer every day. Talk about a closet case! Then she mentioned that she went to school on a volleyball scholarship and I almost lost it. However, I am sure that she is not a lesbian...but the visual is really funny.
In my small group I always notice what people are wearing. There is one woman in there that is about 6 feet tall and really blond and she dresses like a really wealthy hippie. She wears jeans with wool socks and UGG clogs and weirdly beautiful over sized hand-knit sweaters and ponchos in the damndest color combinations. She doesn't wear any make-up and her skin looks like she has spent a lot of time in the sun and wind. I bet she cross-country skis home. And her hair! It looks like a drunk monkey cut it...it's all chunky and sticks out all over and looks really, really dry. You know what else? She's gorgeous. She's just so genuine. Her faith is strong and not conceited. She has real questions and really listens when others are talking. She seems so content in her own body and with herself in general. She makes me uncomfortable because of this. So, imagine my reaction when she followed me out of our group meeting into the sanctuary for the lecture last week! She said, "I just thought we could visit for a little bit." I was thinking, "Oh great. What am I going to talk to Suzy Chapstick about?"
She asked about my dad because the group knows that I don't get together with them for the planned fellowship times because I try to help give my mom a break and hang out with my Alzheimer's stricken father on various weekday afternoons. I always make sure to sound like I would really LIKE to come to the fellowship things, but I can't because of this obligation to my family. Poor me, with the sick dad and the lack of free time, blah, blah, blah.
Well, we talked a little and then the lecture started. I always leave a little early to go and pick up Bronte from school, so right before I had to go I turned to this beautiful hippie and said, "See you next week."
She put her hand on my arm and leaned in towards me, looked in my eyes and sweetly said, "Enjoy this time with your father."
You know what? I almost started to cry. She was gently reminding me that this time with my dad is a gift. A GIFT. I get so frustrated with him and so angry that he has Alzheimer's. I am so sad that he doesn't know who I am anymore. I get annoyed listening to his same stories over and over. But I took him bowling once and he remembered that he used to enjoy bowling and for 10 frames he was happy and felt good. That was a GIFT. He still hugs me and says, "Thanks for having me over," every time he leaves my house. That is a GIFT. When my kids kiss and hug him goodbye and he picks them up and kisses them and they smile at him and throw their arms around his neck...well, that is the biggest gift of all.
That is what I got out of Bible Study last week. That gentle reminder from someone I hardly know stayed with me all week.
7 comments:
Carolyn,
I had no idea your dad has Alzheimer's. My aunt has it and Dave's grandma had it. What a crappy disease. Ok, tears are starting to run down my face - gotta get a tissue.
What a beautiful way to look at every part of our lives, as a gift. This posting reminded me of what a gift I was given about a little over a month ago. Most of the really wonderful gifts in life are never planned or anticipated. In fact, most of the time we are too busy doing "other" things". Right after the holidays, my daughter decided that she wanted to visit some graduate schools before applying. The one place that she wanted to visit was Chicago. My cousin graciously invited us to stay with her while we went to visit campuses. Now, this cousin is considerably younger than I am and actually I never really got to know her as an adult. She was the kind of family that you find out about through other family members ( like her mother to my mother). My daughter vaguely remembered visiting her over a decade ago. Now, one more child and one more marriage later we were going to be staying with her for four days! Those four days were one of the best gifts I have ever had...... listening to my daughter relate to my cousin and her family as if they were best friends who just hadn't talked in awhile.The ease and comfort that she allowed me to feel in her life. Getting to know her two beautiful children and listening to them laugh. I went out there to stay with " a cousin". My daughter and I came back with great memories and looking forward to continuing a relationship with someone so much closer than a cousin. Thank you Carolyn...Tony...Brenna...Bronte for being yourselves and inviting us into your lives. THAT my friends is a gift.
If it looks like a lesbian, walks like a lesbian, quaks like a lesbian, was saved by God, then it is entirely possible... By the way, I am sorry that you father has this disease,it can be a severe strain on the entire family. On the upside, he seems to like me more now that he can't remember me.
When I moved my parents from their home of 25 years into a retirement community, it was time consuming, stressful and an obligation as a daughter. My dad died 8 weeks later. I wish I had that time back while he was moving to talk about the memories and stories of life rather than resent having to be there. Your time with your dad is a gift - don't let his disease rob you of enjoying your time spent together. How a stranger touched your life is a wonderful story to share, and a reminder to us all to try to do the same. Thanks for sharing.
Carolyn, I really enjoyed that post. It's great to see there are some redeeming qualities to your bible study. Now what has this group taught you about the Book of Romans?
I kept thinking about your times with your Dad and it being a gift as I visited my Dad this weekend.
It was a very rough visit.
He had fallen on Thursday and cut his head. He was also really, really weak from some new dimentia drugs they are trying. So, the combination of the cut and the weakness had him very disoriented. He made absolutely no sense the entire night on saturday. The visit was exceptionally disheartening. He was completely off in his own world and it was like his mind had been put in a blender.
I kept trying to see the "gift" in this visit with him and I was coming up blank. I thought, "I'm sorry Caroline, there is no gift here. No gift".
Once I was home Lisa asked me about my time with my Dad. I did my best to describe the visit and then I remembered one thing. He did manage to say one thing very clearly and he said it to me twice. He said, "I love you" That was enough. I am profoundly sad. But there was a gift.
damn. life twists around on us all. enjoy what we can of it i guess. i sometimes think that children are meant to distract us from the hard things about being an adult.
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