I am not a morning person. Anyone who has been with me in the morning knows that. My husband, who ought to know that, continually acts all chipper around me in the morning and I think he expects me to respond in kind in spite of the fact that after almost 8 years of marriage the nicest thing I've ever said to him before 9:00 a.m. was, "Go look in the drier, you have underwear in there."
Yesterday morning I woke up and had to get ready for church. I was running late, as usual, and I had a headache. Tony came upstairs to the bathroom where I was standing in front of the mirror looking at myself shaking my head and thinking, "Good thing I don't have my glasses on right now because I'm sure that if I could see myself in focus I would cry considering how shitty I look blurry," and he asked me if I wanted coffee. Stupid question. To be honest with you, I think he just does that to annoy me. There has never been a morning in the history of time that I have not wanted coffee. (Last year I flew (yes, on an airplane) to Kansas City for a Christian Music Conference. I went with 2 other women from my church and we were there to scope out music for the Children's Choir. In any case, we were all supposed to stay in the same room because that was what the church would pay for, and one of the women was all for that. She thought we would stay up late and watch movies and talk and braid each other's hair...but, being grownups and all, the third woman and I decided to get our own damn rooms and pay for them ourselves. In any case, there was one of those stupid little coffee makers in the room so you could make 2 cups of the crappiest coffee in the world in the comfort of your own room every morning and even though it was the worst coffee ever, I made it and drank it every morning we were there. However, I discovered that it tasted A LOT better with Bailey's in it. Believe me, if you ever go to a Christian music conference in Kansas City, you are going to want to have Bailey's in your morning coffee. It takes the edge off. Being surrounded by so much piety is nerve wracking. There was a short worship service every morning before we split off to go to our individual classes and people were standing up and swaying with their hands in the air. I took to bringing little bottles of Bailey's in my purse for emergency purposes.)
Anyway, so Tony comes back up to the bathroom, hands me my coffee and says, "Britney Spears shaved her head." Then he walked out of the bathroom. As he was walking downstairs I heard him query, "Can you believe it?"
What I couldn't believe was simply this...the first thing Tony said to me yesterday was about Britney Spears. He was the one who was so disgusted that the CNN webpage had the news about Britney partying with no underwear on as their lead story! Yet Tony himself made Britney his own front page news, didn't he? That just cracks me up. Now maybe Tony can see why Britney's crotch made the front page; it seems like she is newsworthy. Plus, now her curtains match her carpet, or whatever that stupid saying is. Know what I mean?
So, off I went to church without a thought in my head about Britney and her baldness. But, later on that afternoon when I saw a picture of her in the paper I decided to call my friend Laura and see what her take on it was. When I broke the news to her all she said was, "She's a freak."
I have to disagree with that. Michael Jackson is a freak. Tom Cruise is a freak. Mike Tyson is a freak. Britney Spears is just stupid. First of all, she doesn't even have a pretty enough face to go bald. What the hell was she thinking? Second of all, she has two babies at home and I am starting to think that Kevin Federline should grab them and leave the country pronto so Britney's stupidity doesn't rub off on them too much. How pathetic is that? I think Kevin no-talent-needs-a-belt-and-a-job Federline is the better parent! Those kids are doomed.
I can't wait to see why Britney shaved her head. She can't chalk that up to "being Southern, y'all" because I don't see a lot of bald women traipsing around Georgia. Maybe she's just trying take the attention off her horrible taste in clothes. If that girl has a stylist then that stylist must be a blind, drunk 21 year old boy.
So, what do you think...freak or stupid?
9 comments:
First of all, your lead story has everything to do with the audience. For me, pre-coffee, the lead is always the weather. What's going on outside and what would be appropriate clothing for conditions.
For Carolyn, pre-coffee, I thought a bald Britney Spears would be more appropriate.
Now, I'll take option C, all of the above. Not only is she stupid, but she's a stupid freak.
She is in the middle of a custody battle with her gold-digging back-up dancer ex-husband and so she decides to go party every night. Yeah, that will impresss the judge.
Then, in response to the slow, downward swirl of her career down the commode of life, she completely loses it and pulls a Sinead O'Conner and chooses bald as a hair(less) style. This girl needs help before something really bad happens to her...like another marriage.
Phil,
You know Jesus was famous for turning water into wine. I don't think He would frown upon a shot of Bailey's before praying. It opens your mind, man.
She needs a staff of keepers - there is just NO excuse, even Courtney Love can't get away with this kind of behavior and we expect that from her! Yikes! Time to tear down and burn all of the youngin's bs posters! (Britney Spears) I'm thankful my last name has a different spelling!
She is a stupid skank, I could care less.
Now, the thing that concerns me is your incomprehensible draw to Church, and Church sponsored/related activities. Do you participate because you love to hate it? Or is it that it just provides more grist for the mill? You can be Christian, and pursue your beliefs with out the constricts of any organizations. Many Nutcases (survivalists) practice thier beliefs in this manner. The only drawback to you that I forsee, is that this may not adequately feed some of your social needs. I have no need for organized religion, but then you knew that, didn't you?
Alan darling,
Don't pretend to understand what I do or don't get out of organized religion based on my blog! Just because you aren't getting your yarmulke down to Temple every week doesn't mean that others don't benefit from doing so!
Let me tell you...I live with an aetheist so it is very important that I get out and surround myself with like-minded Christians. Just because I don't always appreciate the way in which they worship or take attendance etc. doesn't mean that I am not benefitting spiritually. However, why would I bore you with those details when the funny parts are so much more readable!?!? You better watch out, my friend, or I will start writing about you. I have a wealth of stories.
please do not think that I am forming my opinion soley on information provided in your blog. I am responding based on my lengthy history with you. Remember, you have not changed that much since college(you said it yourself). Besides, I don't think those Christians you speak of are so like minded.
My 2 cents: i think britney is going through post partum depression and is young and stupid. those three things can't be a good combination. throw in enough money/fame to get all the drugs/attention you want and you have a recipe for disaster. it's like watching a train wreck which is exactly how i felt about anna nicole smith right before she died. i hope britney has enough good friends and family to pull her up out of her nosedive. her poor kids. glad they are too young to know what is going on.
I vote for stupid. She looks like a conehead from those old Saturday Night Live skits. I have to thank her for bringing back those memories!
I feel sorry for Brittany and her children, as well as Anna Nicolle's baby and I think the only "right" thing to do, humane thing to do, is for Madonna and Angelina Jolie to get together and adopt all three of them
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