Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others

Well, I voted today. I went over to our polling place (which is the Catholic nursing home) parked in the employee lot, went in the employee entrance and through the employee breakroom and made my way to the polling place. The reason I parked in the employee lot is because there wasn't any parking in the front of the building because of all the voters, so I went to the back of the building and found the employee lot half empty so I parked there. Since it is sleeting/snowing I opted to go in the employee entrance as well. I brought Brenna with me to vote because I think it is important that she sees how serious a responsibility it is to vote...but she was very tense about going in the employee entrance (which was clearly marked with an "Employees Only" sign). She was afraid we were going to "get in trouble". I asked her, "What are they going to do to us? Arrest us?" and she said, "Well, what if they don't let you vote?" I told her not to worry so much and just confidently walk in like she belonged there.

Considering the nursing home is entirely staffed by Filapino nuns in full habit, the odds of us blending in were pretty slim but Brenna didn't know that. Either way, I wasn't going to walk all the way around the building in the freezing cold when there was a perfectly servicable door right in front of me. Luckily the breakroom was empty so we didn't have to answer any questions

We made our way down to the polling place and I decided to try the electronic voting booth for the first time, even though Tony told me he doesn't trust them. Well, I got my little charged up electronic voting card and proceeded to stick it in the machine and the screen went totally blank. Great. So, I called over the Election Judge and he asked me if I stuck it in all the way, and did I do it like the picture showed, etc. etc. I tried really hard not to be offended but I was pretty annoyed when he asked me if I was sure I stuck it in according to the picture. I just looked at him for a couple of seconds and then I said, "Just as sure as I was when you asked me the first time." He paused and then said, "I'll be right back."

When he came back he had the "Head" Election Judge who just pulled the stupid card out of the machine, hit a re-set button and then told me to put my card in again. At this point I was ready to insist on a paper ballot because I figured my vote was screwed as far as the electronic thing goes. But then I remembered that I live in Chicago and all the elections here are corrupt anyway so I might as well see this electronic thing out. (Voter's motto in Chicago...Vote Early and Vote Often. Dead people have been known to vote in Chicago.)

So, I proceeded to vote very gravely and seriously. Once I voted for the Presidential candidate of my choice and the State Rep and all the people I actually had opinions on I moved on to the Circuit Court judges and Water Reclaimation people, etc. etc. I didn't want Brenna to realize that I had no idea who I was voting for, so I carefully read the names and chose. I voted mostly for women, unless they had a stupid nickname in quotes (like Susan "Suzi" Bassi. That's just stupid. I can't respect someone who puts a stupid nickname on a ballot.) or if they put in their middle initial. I mean, why not just use your middle name? Too shifty for me. I can't trust someone who won't tell me their middle name.When Brenna asked me why I voted for one candidate over another I would just say, "Because she's a woman," or "Because he's Irish," or whatever. Then when she asked, "Ok...but who are they?" I would answer, "He's that Irish guy, for crying out loud," or "She's that woman," and then I would roll my eyes. Serves her right...she rolls her damn eyes at me all the time.

In any case, I finished voting and we got our "I VOTED" stickers and we left through the employee door again. Brenna was less nervous this time, but she did tell me to hurry.
I hope everyone I know voted today. I know most of the people in my office did. There was a whole group of us standing around today talking about voting and this woman from the office next to ours (who happens to be a very pretty, but slightly masculine, tall Hispanic woman) said she was going to vote for Hillary. I did a double-take and said, "WHAT? Why?" And she told me (in all seriousness--and keep in mind that I think this woman is generally very intellegent), "Because she's a woman." I blinked really, really hard and said, "You're kidding, right?" and this woman says, "No. I'm voting for her because she's a woman...even if she does have thick ankles." Okay, that was the LAST thing I expected to hear from this gorgeous, bright, might-be-a-lesbian, Hispanic woman, so I said, "I'm sorry, but I don't think that's the most compelling reason to vote for anyone. But if I follow your reasoning, I would think you would be more inclined to vote for Obama. After all, he's a minority...you're a minority..." and she butted in with, "Not any more we're not!"
Hmmm....
Anyway, it led into a whole discussion about how Hillary should always wear pantsuits because her ankles are so fat, and how the proper term for her ankles is really "cankles" (a cross between calves and ankles) and her horrible hairstyle, etc. etc. Yep. No politics for me, thank you. Let's just rip on her appearance. I mentioned that Tony had worked for the Clinton administration and had actually met Hillary and he wasn't overly fond of her, thinking that might turn the conversation back to politics, but NOOOO. What everyone wanted to know was...Is Hillary as fat in person as she looks on T.V?
So, I decided that if I couldn't beat them, I would join them. I said, "Well how about John McCain? I can hardly stand to look at him with that big lump on the side of his face. It looks like a tumor." You know what the response was??? Everyone started talking about his stance on abortion! That's right. Political talk for the male candidate and "cankle" chat for the woman. What the hell? The thing that really pissed me off was that I was standing around with a bunch of self-proclaimed Democrats who had nothing more to say about their chosen candidate than that she looked like shit in a skirt but could actually tell me McCain's views on abortion rights! No wonder women have such crappy body images.

Now, I agree that Hillary Clinton is an unattractive woman who is cursed with tree-trunk legs; but I can say that because I didn't vote for the bitch.