Anyway, I am trying to get up in the morning and say "Good Morning" to Tony before I ask him where my coffee is. I am trying NOT to make Bronte erase her homework and write it more neatly. I am trying to look past the fact that Brenna wears ankle socks and Crocs to school when it is 4 degrees above zero and there are 3 inches of snow on the ground.
This resolution got a workout the other night when my parents came over for dinner. My mom always wants to help when she comes over and so she will ask if she can peel potatoes or toss the salad or start a load of laundry or something. The only problem is...my mom is..well, I don't even know how to say this without sounding completely bitchy. Let's put it this way...when I peel potatoes, I have the water running a little and I put the little screen thing over the disposal and all the peels end up falling neatly in the sink where they can be easily gathered at the end of my peeling-time and thrown in the garbage. The few stragglers get washed down into the disposal where they are safely ground up and washed away. All the naked potatoes are placed in a pot the moment they are done being peeled so that they can be neatly dealt with when the time comes. My mother, on the other hand, peels the potatoes while she is talking, and she is hard of hearing so she will have to turn to whomever she is speaking with and watch their lips. At this point all the potato peelings are falling on the counter and on the floor. My mom then turns back to the sink and turns on the disposal without the benefit of running water and shoves the peels down the disposal with her hand WHILE IT IS RUNNING. Then she turns off the disposal, half-assedly rinses the potato and places it in the dish drainer with all the clean dishes. Then she goes over to the kitchen table to get another potato, trodding all over the peelings that have fallen to the floor with a blithe, "Oh! I'll get those later!"
So, yes I am a little anal about some things...but my mother isn't nearly anal enough. Needless to say, her offer to help usually gives my apoplexy because I know if I don't GIVE her a task she will just go and FIND a task. That scares me.
But, because of my resolution I decided to smile and nod and be appreciative when she helped me get dinner ready. I also had a glass of wine, but that is beside the point. So, guess what? When I stopped being so damn picky and watching her every move I found that she really was helpful. Also, she was a lot neater because I wasn't telling her how to do everything MY WAY so she was much more relaxed. Okay; lesson learned--Mom is a lot more helpful and productive when I am not being such a freaky bitch. Got it.
So at dinner we were all talking and enjoying ourselves when my dad picked up his glass of milk and asked, "Is this mine?" I said yes, it was his milk. He then said, "So...I can just...um...." and then he poured half of it out all over the table. I immediately stood up and said, "DAD! What are you doing?!!?" Well, that scared and confused him so he stopped pouring his milk out for a split second, but then he just turned the glass completely over so there was milk everywhere. After that he just looked at me and sadly said, "Gee. I'm sorry." In the meantime the dogs are under the table licking milk off the floor because it leaked through the cracks where the leaf of the table is. The cat was trying to get in on the milk action, but the dogs were being really selfish so she swatted Snoopy on the nose and he ran away. Then the stupid cat started to lap up the milk. Normally I would have gotten "the tense face" and quietly gone to get paper towels and wiped it up in total silence so everyone could see how pissed off I was. But, I looked at my poor Alzheimer's stricken dad who knew he had fucked up but wasn't really sure why or how. Then I looked at my mom. She had "the tense face" and she was crying and trying to use her napkin to sop up the milk. I took a breath and smiled and said, "C'mon! No use crying over spilt milk! No harm done. Look, it's all on the table, not on the food. I'll go get a towel." While I cleaned up the milk I told my dad to look at how happy the dogs were to get some milk for dinner! I also laughed with the girls and reminded them of times we had all spilled something. And you know what? It really wasn't a big deal. We moved on. My dad said he was sorry a couple more times and then (I daresay) he forgot all about it. My mom lost "the tense face" (which I'm sure was more due to the fact that she thought it would ruin MY night than anything else...a revelation that just makes me feel so stupid and petty) and stopped crying. We finished dinner and had coffee and dessert and it was fantastic.
I can't say that I have kept this resolution 100%. I can't even say that I have kept it 50%. I am SO glad that I kept it that night, though.
In other news...how is it possible that Tom Cruise just keeps getting uglier?
13 comments:
I am not sure if you get the "worked up by stupid shit" biologically or if that would be more of a behavioral modeling. But you definitely got it!
It is amazing how attitude can make such a difference and the milk incident is s great example. I am reminded of that commercial where the kid opens a carbonated 2 liter and pop sprays all over his mom, and her initial reaction is anger, but she follows up by blasting him with the spray nozzle from the sink. Stupid commercial, but as I was reading your blog I half expected you to say you dumped your glass over to make light of the situation. Look at how much better the whole experience was by the simple, yet difficult, shift in your reaction. It is a great lesson that we really are responsible for our happiness, even down to seemingly inconsequential things such as spilt milk and how the toilet paper hangs.
But seriously, who the fuck puts a roll on so that the paper falls away from you?
Are you over 40 yet? (don't answer) I think you hit a certain age where you realize that most things you've placed such importance in just don't mean shit. Like worrying about how small your waist is to fit into a certain number on a size tag (Much more important to be healthy, not skinny) or having dinner turn out perfect as if you worked on a cooking show (much more important to enjoy the company), etc...
It's quite freeing to let go of shit and gain perspective. Sadly the veil seems to lift too late and one can worry about all that time they wasted being so uptight. Don't bother with that either.
Oh, and I swear I'm not over 40, I've just heard rumors that that's when it could happen...
Honestly, I didn't realize there was a lobby for toilet paper direction. Who knew?
I can vouch for my wife, she is making a huge effort to let the little stuff go and it is making a difference in all our lives.
I am very proud of her and I love her very much.
Jim -- you're 24 right?
1. Tom Cruise is getting uglier
2. He probably doesn't change the TP either.
And I totally understand about the attitude thing. My 5th grader has been explaining about my LOUD voice and how when I talk in my LOUD voice, I scare her. and she told me she calls me Scary Mother behind my back and tries to stay away from me until it passes, which she told me can take days. (Days!) who knew. And I thought I was perfect. At least I know that I have some company in the still need to work on it a bit..
Why is it that I can thoroughly relate and enjoy this article. Would you like to call Fred and ask him which way the paper towels and the toilet paper go? He should know by now because I keep telling him. The paper falls to the OUTSIDE!!!!!.
Potatoes - you have to keep a little water going to keep rinsing them! And lord knows if there are too many of them that go down the garbage disposal it clogs it!. Can't tell that I have done it already can you! I did enjoy this article.
Must of been a real relaxing house growing up!
Most of your posts are very funny and some are downright moving, like this one. I am a firm believer in letting the small stuff slide and I know that it has helped me to be a happier individual. However, I would draw the line at having the TP on the wrong way. Sorry T.
When my mom got remarried a couple of years after the divorce I was 11. I went through all the usual rejection of my step father's parental authority and such. But, I had more reason than most. He was also worried about how much TP was being used. This was no Charmin mind you, but the sandpaper they sell as Scott Tissue where there are 3,564 squares in each roll. So, he was not going in the poor house from buying TP. His method was different than your father's. Instead of dolling it out to us as he saw fit he would stand outside the bathroom door while I was taking a shit and gauge how much he thought I was using based on the sound of the roll being pulled out. When I was all done he would lecture me on the proper method to wipe my ass. Call me crazy, but I felt as though this was crossing some sort of line. Soon I learned how fun it was to spin the roll the other way as fast as I could!
who knew that out of all you wrote, the toilet paper would be where this conversation turned...
And like everyone else weighing in, sorry Tony, it goes on so it falls over the top and down the front. I've had to give notes to the housekeeper regarding this. Don't know why it's such a mental maker.
Not 24. Now claiming 30.
I honestly can't believe the toilet paper thing is such a big issue either. Everyone knows it's up and over...what's the problem?
Only one person agreed that tom Cruise is ugly...I'm so disappointed.
Jim, I must not be over 40 because I would still rather be skinny than healthy. However, since I need to diet and work out to look the way I want, the healthy part is just part of the package. I do it to be skinny, though...sorry.
Phil...you rock! Look at you with all the comments lately. Doesn't matter, you are appearing in my next blog about college.
Pat...I have been known to squirt my kids with the spray nozzle. I think I'll do it today just because it will be freeing! (Plus, I need to wash the floor anyway.)
Tony...get with the program. Everyone agrees on how to hang the tp. You have been out-voted.
I loved when you said you weren't going to make Bronte erase her homework and write it more neatly. She should talk to Benjamin - I do the same thing.
Tom Cruise is not looking good these days - could be a lack of sleep - I heard him in an interview once say he only sleeps 4-5 hours night. Idiot. Probably thinks he is too important to waste his time on something like sleep. Look in the mirror, pal, not a good choice.
Okay, now that you've inspired me, I am going to work on letting the little stuff go too. I think I need a 12 step program.
I loved when you said you weren't going to make Bronte erase her homework and write it more neatly. She should talk to Benjamin - I do the same thing.
Tom Cruise is not looking good these days - could be a lack of sleep - I heard him in an interview once say he only sleeps 4-5 hours night. Idiot. Probably thinks he is too important to waste his time on something like sleep. Look in the mirror, pal, not a good choice.
Okay, now that you've inspired me, I am going to work on letting the little stuff go too. I think I need a 12 step program.
My husband suffers from the same affliction, he's unable to place the toilet paper roll on properly! It's supposed to come over and hang down not under so you have to fucking dig for it. (sorry I get so riled up)
And I lost all respect for Tom Cruise a long time ago, that whole Scientology thing gets no respect from me.
I would give anything to see my Dad turn a glass of milk upside down on the table.
Oh my gosh.. I've considered doing similar hostage situations with OUR toilet paper! My 8 year old thinks that anything he leaves in the toilet, he needs to gift wrap with toilet paper! I just had a conversation with my husband about this last week, about how I'm rashioning tp from now on with the kids because I'm so sick of un-clogging the stupid toilet.
I am sooo the same way when it comes to the little stuff. I'm incredibly anal about everything in my kitchen, to include how the potato's are peeled, dishes cleaned, and whether or not the plates are stacked in the appropriate manner. I've tried and tried to just let it all roll off my back but to no avail. Teach me, oh wise one.
On a side note.. hugs to your dad, you and your mom ;).
Post a Comment