You're boring me: September 2008

There's nothing like a good old county fair on Labor Day. We go to the same one every single year: The Walworth County Fair in Wisconsin. It is a family tradition. This year we invited another family to join us and, honest to God, I don't think they had ever been to a county fair before. I say this because when I discovered that I had forgotten my stupid digital camera (which, it turns out, I didn't. It is just so frickin' small I couldn't find it in my backpack.) they offered to take all the pictures we would ever need. Well, they took 478 pictures. It took me 2 hours just to look at them on Shutterfly. Luckily for you, I picked out the best ones and (after obtaining permission from my friends to post photos of them on my blog) here they are:

This is the whole group, except my friend's husband. Obviously, he was taking the picture. I would like to point out to Jim that my husband is not wearing anything tie-dyed but that the tie-dye culture is represented as Crystal and her daughter Emily are both wearing it. So, just in case you don't know who everyone is, from left to right: me, Brenna, Bronte, Sarah (my friend's older daughter), Crystal (my friend), Emily (Crystal's younger daughter) and in the back is my dear Tony. I don't know what the hell he is doing with his hands but since there was no beer to be had at the fair at least we know he wasn't being drunk and stupid.

Now, here is a sign you don't see on every dumpster...

Bronte wanted to touch every single animal she saw. Brenna didn't want to touch ANY animal she saw. I think Brenna walked around with her mini hand sanitizer bottle in her hands. We kept trying to get her to touch something just so we could get a photo of her touching anything besides the Purell. I'm not sure if she ever did touch an animal and I am NOT going to go back and look at all 478 of the fucking pictures to be sure.

Looky! Even I touched a sheep. All I can think of when I look at this photo is, "Wow. I really need a new bra."

Brenna felt completely vindicated when she saw this sign. Ironically, it was posted in the bunny exhibition, which are probably the only animal she would have considered touching. Bronte touched all the bunnies anyway. She didn't give a shit what the sign said.

Ah...the farm vehicle display. Here are Emily (the driver) and Sarah (the poser) checking out the...well, I don't know what they are called...the big red thingy with the scooper. Aren't they cute?

Here is how my kids posed for their photo op. It's just no fun unless someone pretends to be road-kill. Aren't they precious?

Yippeee! We found the John Deere equipment!

Here is the only picture of Glenn, Crystal's husband. He is the most conspicuous consumer I ever met. He must be a joy to shop with...the most fabulous impulse buyer ever. No matter what the display was, by the time we walked up to it he was convinced he needed to buy one. At the boat display he talked about how much he wanted a boat. ATVs? Yep, he wanted one of those. Hot tubs? Gotta have one of those! Tractor? What do you suppose the gas mileage is on this baby? Look at him checking out the cab of this thing. He's seriously considering it.

Seriously, if the camera was out, our kids were posing. I have never seen 4 girls more thrilled to have their picture taken. I imagine that only Jim has more fun posing than Brenna, Bronte, Sarah and Emily.

Don't they look like the Go-Go's in the Vacation video? (You know the one where they are all water-skiing and singing "Vacation, all I ever wanted. Vacation, got to get away!" Am I dating myself? Who remembers that video?)

Here I am doing my Lindsey Lohan impression and kissing my girlfriend. I was having a great hair day. That almost makes up for the crappy bra I wore.

Yummy! Deep fried fair food! I had an egg roll. (Actually, by the end of the day I had 3 egg rolls. They were only a dollar.) Look at the happy fair lady in the booth behind me. Doesn't she just look happy to see me eat? She's probably drunk. I would be if I had to sell food at a fair.

What's the fair without a corn dog?

Or a foot-long corn dog?

This is my favorite part of the fair; The Demolition Derby. It fulfills all my fantasies about ramming my car into every asshole on the road. Glenn was incredibly impressed by the demo derby and took about 100 pictures of it. I told you, they've never been to a fair before.

Yes, we hit the midway. The kids went on every ride except for the giant drop. Bronte was the only one who wanted to go on it and she wasn't tall enough, which totally pissed her off.

Look at how mad Bronte looks. That's because she isn't winning the race. However, Brenna is a notorious cheater so I am sure she pushed off a little before Bronte and Sarah did.

No, Tony isn't pointing at my horrible bra. He is pointing at my Obama button.

This is one of my favorite pictures of Tony. EVER. He is wearing Sarah's sunglasses and just looks so metrosexual. I don't know what prompted this pose. Maybe he was inspired by all the poses the girls had struck during the day.

Sarah and Bronte were the only brave ones who went on this ride. They are pretending to be scared here, but during the course of the ride I think they were actually scared.

Check out the portrait painted on the backdrop for this ride. What the hell...?

Here is a spinny ride that Emily (wisely) refused to go on. Isn't it cute how her shirt matches the ride? One of the carnies told me how they break down and transport all the rides. Let me tell you, it didn't make me feel very good that the drunk carnies can break down one of these spinny things in about an hour.

Bronte started to get a little pissy because she wanted to go on the Giant Drop but wasn't tall enough, so Glenn decided that the girls just needed to play a carnival game and then everything would be better. Either that or he just wanted to throw away $12. So, he picked the "shoot the target with the water gun and make the spinning pedestal with Scooby Doo on it rise to the top first" game. It was a sure thing because our kids were the only ones playing. The funny part was, the barker who was running the game was the only overtly gay carnie I have ever seen. It was like Carson Kressley was running it.

Happily, Bronte won the $12 Scooby Doo. I have to say, in Glenn's defense, it was money well spent. Bronte loves the pink Scooby and sleeps with it every night.

Look, city girls! Corn!

Bronte put a handful of corn down Emily's shirt. I love the reactions!

Ahh!! The big blow up cow. Only in Wisconsin! I think their state motto is "Come and smell our dairy-air!" (Say it out loud. It's funny.)

One of the highlights of the fair are the pig races. Crystal laughed her ass off. Pigs run really fast.

Did I tell you these kids are posers?

Pigs are cute. Or as Bronte wrote in her first grade journal when the teacher told the kids to write about cute little piggies because they had just watched the movie Charlotte's Web, "I love pigs. Pigs are yummy. Bacon comes from pigs. Yummm..." No sentimentality there.

This is where we went right after the pig races. I think we ate last year's athletes.

This was the most vomit inducing ride at the fair. Emily did not go on it. I don't blame her. Bronte and Sarah could not wait to get on it. Brenna needed convincing.

After the kids were strapped in, the floor drops out and the ride spins and swings back and forth. I wanted to barf just looking at it. I think Bronte and Sarah went on it 5 times.