Now My Heart Is Full

My daughter Brenna has a beautiful voice. She has a pitch-perfect alto voice. When she gets older, if she keeps singing, she will be the next kd lang....only not, you know....Canadian. Brenna sings a lot in church and every time she does, people cry because it's just so beautiful. When she gets complimented on her voice, Brenna just smiles and says thank you, but she really doesn't know what the big deal is because she's always been able to do it and it is totally effortless. When she was 5 she had her first big solo in church. The children's choir was putting on a big musical for Mother's Day and it was all about Noah's Ark. Brenna was the dove that Noah sent out to see if the flood was subsiding. She sang an entire song all by herself. It was the first time she was going to sing in public and she was using a microphone for the first time. Since she was so young (only 5, remember?) the microphone stand was set up right next to the piano. Well, the microphone was sound activated, so if your mouth was too far away from it, it would turn off. When Brenna got close enough to it to have her voice activate the thing she wasn't able to see it, so she would start to back up, and then it would stop working. So, during the performance, in front of 500 or so people, she would start to back away from the mic and the piano player (who was also the director) would quickly push her head back towards the mic. However, since the director was also playing the piano at the time, it was more like she would smack her on the back of the head so she could resume playing. Honest to God, we have it on video. Brenna is all dressed up in white with white wings singing sweetly about how she will "spread her wings and fly" and all of a sudden this hand comes out of nowhere and "SMACK"--Brenna's head goes jerking forward towards the mic. Yet, even at the tender age of 5, she never started laughing or stopped singing or even acknowledged that anything out of the ordinary had happened. At that point I figured she was one of two things:
1. a natural performer
2. autistic
Turns out she is number one, not number two. Honestly, it was a crap shoot. She has always been quirky, so autism wasn't totally out of the question. When she was little she used to keep a little ball of fuzz (like lint, or the cotton tip off a Q-Tip) with her at all times. Know where she kept it? Well, look at your right hand. See the first knuckle on your pinkie--the one towards the top? Okay, try to bend it without bending the other knuckle. Can't do it, can you? Well, Brenna could and she kept her little ball of fuzz in the bend of her pinkie, right behind that knuckle. She always had it with her. When she started pre-school, I bought her a silver necklace with a little silver basket (like a-tisket, a-tasket) on it and she kept her fuzz ball in there. Seriously. So...autism did cross my mind.

This is Brenna speaking in church a week ago. Isn't she gorgeous? See the blue streak in her hair? It is actually a hair extension that she had put in at a local salon. All the money the salon raises by putting blue extensions in hair goes to autism research. Brenna has a real soft spot for autistic kids because she gave up all her lunch hours in 6th grade to work with the autistic class. Turns out she has a real gift for communicating with those kids. Ironic, isn't it?

So, back to Brenna's singing...yesterday (and Friday night) her choir (one that she had to audition for and we pay for her to be in...they are really, really good) gave a Christmas concert. (In two weeks 25 of the kids from this choir will be singing in Chicago for the Joffrey Ballet's "Nutcracker". Not that I'm bragging but....ok. I'm bragging. But isn't that SO cool??) Tony and Bronte saw it Friday night (I was helping backstage) and my parents, Bronte and I saw it yesterday afternoon. It was risky taking my dad (who has Alzheimer's) because he is pretty well advanced in his disease and you just never know what he's going to do. For example, I had to tell him that, even if he knew the songs he really shouldn't sing along. (He does that a lot. In church if the choir is singing something he knows he will just chime right in...loudly) I also reminded him that he shouldn't talk out loud during the performance. The tickets were $22 and I didn't think the people around us would appreciate my addled father's commentary. Luckily most of the songs the choir sang were either really obscure or in Latin. No "Jingle Bells" for Brenna's snotty choir!

Ok...so here is my point. My dad was pretty good for the first half of the show, but he really lost it after the intermission. He kept talking...he had a coughing fit and then when my mother gave him a cough drop he sucked on it loudly and cleared his throat over and over...he kept tapping his feet. It was very difficult to keep him calm and my mom started to cry at one point because she was so frustrated. I couldn't leave the theater with him because it was too dark and we were in the middle of a row. He never would have understood the importance of a "quick and quiet getaway". So, I tried to keep him quiet so my mom could enjoy the show. At one point I was so frustrated and angry I started to cry. Then, suddenly it was like God flipped a switch in my heart. I stopped being angry and I just looked at my dad and said, "Please..." For whatever reason, that worked and he calmed down. I was still crying though, because the kids in the choir were coming down the aisles holding (fake) candles and singing "Silent Night" a cappella. It was so beautiful. Brenna just happened to stop and stand one aisle in front of us. My dad was quiet and calm...the choir was (I kid you not) angelic...and all was right in the world.