Bigmouth Strikes Again...

My daughter, Brenna, who is 12 years old and is completely unimpressed with anything and rolls her beautiful eyes so much that I swear they are going to stick looking up at her brain and she will look like one of the lobotomized humans from Planet of the Apes, said the nicest thing to me the other day..."Mom, when I grow up I'm going to be a cool mom just like you." Isn't that sweet? I think she said it on our way home from dropping her friends off at their homes after attending a Bible Study I lead for 7th and 8th grade girls. Brenna and four of her friends got in the car and I immediately turned on Justin Timberlake. No, no, no...not "SexyBack". That would be wrong. I turned on "Damn Girl" and the lyrics to that song are:

Damn Girl, Damn Girl, Damn Girl, Damn Girl, Damn....

The girls thought it was hilarious, except for one. She was not happy. She did not approve. So, I talked about how, as Christians, we don't judge because only God has the right to do that. We can gently try to guide our friends to see a more Christian perspective, but judging is not our place. Then I went off on the religious right banning books and how in my last Bible Study some judgemental, righteous holier-than-thou type told me I was a sinner because I watched MTV and read People magazine. I said that, as Christians, we needn't feel guilty that we listen to Justin Timberlake or Fergie...and that "Damn Girl" isn't a bad song. He's actually complimenting a girl. (He could have just called her foxy though. That's a good one.)

The funny thing about that stupid Justin Timberlake disc is that, when I bought it, I actually got the censored version so that all the swear words were muted out. I figured it was going to be inappropriate enough that my 6 year old was going to go around singing, "I'm bringing sexy back--yeah" and I didn't need to introduce any more colorful phrases into her vocabulary. Well, then I listened to "SexyBack" a few times. In the first chorus Justin asserts that, "Them other boys don't know how to act" which is cute and catchy. Well, in the second chorus the lyric went, "Them other (mumble) don't know how to act," and in the third it went, "You mother (mumble) watch how I attack." Okay, well...if you know me you know that my favorite swear word in the whole world is mother-fucker. It just sounds so satisfying when you call someone you can't stand a "mother-fucker". Or, when you stub your toe on the corner of the coffee table there's nothing like a good "Mother Fucker!" to make you feel better. Anyway, it was pretty obvious to me that Justin was saying my favorite swear word in SexyBack and I became obsessed with hearing the original version. Well, of course, they play the censored version on the radio so I wasn't going to hear it there and I didn't know anyone my own age who might actually own the Justin Timberlake disc. I really wanted to go out and buy the uncensored disc, just in case he sang "mother-fucker" in any of the other songs too, but I just couldn't justify (Ha!) spending another thirteen bucks on a lame, totally age-inappropriate, pseudo-dance disc for myself. Well, as luck would have it, one night we were driving home Brenna's oldest friend who I love as much as I love my own kids and she said, "Brenna, you're so lucky to have this disc. I wish I had it." So, being the fabulous pretend-aunt that I am I gave her the disc. The next day I went to Best Buy and bought the uncensored version so that I could hear the word "mother-fucker".

My darling daughter Brenna, however, didn't even roll her eyes when I gave her friend the disc. Honestly, she is the least selfish kid I have ever met. Plus, she probably figured that I would go out and buy another one. I listen to that stupid disc all the time.

Anyway, Brenna's friend was just livid that I would play that song and that the rest of the girls would actually enjoy it. She, obviously didn't hear me talk about intolerance, etc...but I don't really care. I'm the mom and I will play whatever I want in my own car. If I had a recording of Justin Timberlake and that Adam guy from Saturday Night Live doing "Dick In A Box" I would play that the next time she was in my car. (Well, probably not, but I sure would be tempted. By the way, if I you haven't seen "Dick In A Box" then you really need to click here and watch it. It's hilarious.)

In any case, now I find myself using questionable language when I am in this child's presence...like "crap" and "what the....(Hell is implied)" and "dammit". It's only a matter of time before she isn't allowed to hang out with Brenna any more. Oh well, no big loss.