Well, I guess there is a time and place for everything, like my Welsh friend says. You see, she read my last entry and felt compelled to tell me that "There's a time and a place for everything," isn't just a Welsh catch-phrase. It's actually true! I asked her, "Well then, what is the time and the place for that woman in our Group Power class to be wearing her very tight, very short shorts?" Okay, get ready for this...her answer was, "Well, you know, if she were at home and she was dusting or something and her husband was watching..."
I almost died laughing! It reminded me of the movie "Chocolat" with the ever fabulous Johnny Depp. Remember how the chick that ran the chocolate shop gave the fat housewife whose husband wasn't interested in sex anymore some candy to give him that would act like brown Viagra? Then in the next scene she is cleaning the bathtub and her husband comes upon her bending over the tub and does the little "PePe La Pew" dirty chuckle and we are to believe that the sight of his wife's humongous ass made him all hot and bothered? Well, that just made me picture this woman in her little shorts with a feather duster bending over to dust the coffee table while her husband sits on the couch reading the sports section. I can see her wiggling her butt as she dusts and her husband playing right into her hands. Then I see her triumphant look as they head off to the bedroom and she thinks, "Yep, I knew these shorts would do the trick..."
Okay, there are so many things wrong with this scenario that I don't even know where to start. First of all...just the fact that my Welsh friend thought of the dusting-in-front-of-her-husband thing makes me wonder what she wears when she does housework, or if she has some sort-of "naughty maid" fantasy. Secondly, if I was dusting and my husband was sitting on the couch watching me I'd be so pissed off that he certainly wouldn't be seeing any action. I mean, what the hell?? Like he couldn't be mowing the lawn or something productive like that? Thirdly, if you think that gray, tight short shorts are going to turn your husband on while you dust then you don't know all that much about men. Go to a costume shop, get a French maid outfit and wear really high black patent leather pumps and red lipstick and then do your dusting in front of your husband. I bet that would work every time. I wouldn't know, personally...I never dust.
I almost died laughing! It reminded me of the movie "Chocolat" with the ever fabulous Johnny Depp. Remember how the chick that ran the chocolate shop gave the fat housewife whose husband wasn't interested in sex anymore some candy to give him that would act like brown Viagra? Then in the next scene she is cleaning the bathtub and her husband comes upon her bending over the tub and does the little "PePe La Pew" dirty chuckle and we are to believe that the sight of his wife's humongous ass made him all hot and bothered? Well, that just made me picture this woman in her little shorts with a feather duster bending over to dust the coffee table while her husband sits on the couch reading the sports section. I can see her wiggling her butt as she dusts and her husband playing right into her hands. Then I see her triumphant look as they head off to the bedroom and she thinks, "Yep, I knew these shorts would do the trick..."
Okay, there are so many things wrong with this scenario that I don't even know where to start. First of all...just the fact that my Welsh friend thought of the dusting-in-front-of-her-husband thing makes me wonder what she wears when she does housework, or if she has some sort-of "naughty maid" fantasy. Secondly, if I was dusting and my husband was sitting on the couch watching me I'd be so pissed off that he certainly wouldn't be seeing any action. I mean, what the hell?? Like he couldn't be mowing the lawn or something productive like that? Thirdly, if you think that gray, tight short shorts are going to turn your husband on while you dust then you don't know all that much about men. Go to a costume shop, get a French maid outfit and wear really high black patent leather pumps and red lipstick and then do your dusting in front of your husband. I bet that would work every time. I wouldn't know, personally...I never dust.
6 comments:
I'd comment, but I like life too much.
Let me set the record, uh, straight.
You don't need an outfit to get a man interested in sex. Just look him in the eye, raise one eyebrow and motion towards the bedroom.
That's usually enough.
As for men, I think it would help the seduction if he dusted...
O.K. I bet now you're friend will never again divulge anything remotely interesting (or Welsh) to you, especially after you thinking that she would "ever" think those naughty thoughts. Anyway, who ever said that Welsh people dust?!
Actually, I think my Welsh friend is extremely charming and I hope she takes this in the spirit in which it was intended! If she is offended then I guess I will have to go over to her house in my tight gray shorts and dust to make it up to her!
Dusting in a french maid's outfit never gets me laid...
I think I am doing something wrong. Let me itemize:
1. when I dust it is because I spotted a dust bunny which I swipe at to remove and that's the end of the dusting.
2. When I spot the offending clump of dust it is usually because i am crawling on the floor with my 1 1/2 year old and I look like I have been crawling on the floor.
3. Because of the aforementioned activity I usually have snot or food somewhere on my outfit.
4. The available man (ie husband) is generally not in the room when the dusting takes place.
Is any of that hot? I really suck at the whole hot thing. Still. :)
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