God save us all!!

Did I tell you that I have officially been kicked out of that stupid Bible Study? It's true. I was basically told that I had too many unexcused absences and that I probably wouldn't be placed in a discussion group next year. I really wonder what they consider "excused" absences. One of the women in my discussion group had a nephew die last year and she went to the wake on the Thursday morning of our study. So...I wonder if she had to bring in a copy of the death certificate or something to have her absence be "excused"? The woman I am talking about here was REALLY into this Bible study, so I'm sure that she was conflicted about whether to attend the wake or the Bible Study. She was a devout rule follower too. She was always on time, always had her lesson done completely, never talked about anything personal and even expressed remorse over being overweight because she was desecrating God's creation. She even had us pray that she could control her food better. (I wanted to say, "We can pray for your lack of control all you want but what you really need to do is shut your damn mouth and stop stuffing it with food." I have no patience for people who whine about being fat and then go to McDonald's for lunch because they "can't control themselves".)
Speaking of prayer concerns, I never actually prayed for any of those people. I wrote down what they wanted us to pray for and then never looked at it again all week. I know that's horrible, but I just didn't feel right praying for what they wanted us to pray for. I mean, I didn't want to pray for someones Jewish friend because she was going straight to hell because she didn't believe in Jesus or for this one woman in the group to be able to give herself completely over to God's will so that she could be submissive to her husband. God would have known I wasn't sincere. You can't fool the Big Guy.
In any case, doesn't it seem like my entire discussion group should be BEGGING me to come back? I'm a wayward Christian...they should be saving me! The next thing you know I'll be listening to Justin Timberlake and watching Will and Grace reruns on TV! The horror! I mean, we were all supposed to go out and convert the Jews and spread the Good News far and wide, and here I am, a veritable bird in the hand, and they are KICKING ME OUT!! What the hell? Don't they see that they have a real opportunity here to bring me back into the fold? I think they ought to kick out all the pious know-it-alls they have in there now and come to my door and tearfully apologize for letting me down last year and create a discussion group just for people like me. You know, people who think that we ought to leave the Jews alone and that homosexuals are just born that way and should be allowed to get "civilly unionized" and that it's okay to read non-Christian texts. In other words, normal people.
Speaking of homosexuals...on the third page of the Chicago Tribune yesterday there was a huge article about a group that converts gay men to straight men. I had to read it because I am just fascinated by the idea that homosexuality is just a sin like any other sin. It's not a way of life, it's just a sin...like lying or murder. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't it say in the Bible "Judge not lest ye be judged"? Who are these men that are leading the group? I don't know...but this one guy in the article said that he was a husband and father to three most of the time but every once in a while he just had to spend a couple of days in a gay bath house to get the gay out of his system. Really? In any case, he went to this group and now he is totally straight! Imagine that. I wonder if his wife was in my Bible Study?? Now there's a prayer concern I could have really latched onto...except I would have been praying for the gay husband to see the light and leave his wife and live the life he wanted to live. Anyway, one of the leaders of the group said that the men trying to "go straight" weren't allowed to exchange phone numbers or email addresses because if they got in touch with each other and "stumble in their walk in their recovery" well, that would be BAD. Ha! Ha! So, in other words you can't use the group as a way to hook up with other men. The leader that said that has a lesbian daughter, it stated in the article. She probably met her girlfriend in one of her father's stupid meetings. Either that or she really is straight and is pretending to be a lesbian so she doesn't have to talk to her bigoted father ever again.
So, anyway...I'm done with that Bible Study, unless they invite me back (reluctantly, I'm sure) in the fall. I'll keep you posted. It'll be fine if I don't get back in next fall though. I'm going to be busy finding these "don't be gay anymore" groups and holding a sign that says "Promoting Self-Hatred is NOT Therapy" and handing out t-shirts that say "You're here, You're Queer, Get Used to It!" I think that if I can even convince one man that it's OK to be gay then it will be time well spent.