Where have you been??

I was driving Bronte home from a birthday party last Saturday when I saw the perfect man. Seriously. I looked in my rear-view mirror and there he was in the car behind me. I can't even tell you what he looked like or what kind of car he was driving but he immediately became my hero. You know why? He was multi-tasking, which is something most men are completely incapable of. We were at a red light and he was taking advantage of this moment of sitting still to (and I kid you not here) Swiffer his dashboard. And he was talking on his cell-phone at the same time! Not only that, he was obviously keeping track of what was going on around him because he honked his horn at me when the light turned green. (I missed the light turning green because I was completely mesmerized by the sight of a man voluntarily cleaning something. I still get the chills thinking about it.)

Now, I realize that this man is probably some kind of neat-freakish controlling asshole, but for that moment he looked pretty darn good to me. Did I question why anyone would just happen to have a Swiffer Duster sitting in his car on a Saturday afternoon? No, but now that I think about it, it is kind of weird...especially for a guy. My husband doesn't even know what a Swiffer Duster is. If he saw one in his car he would just say, "What the hell is this?" as he threw it on the passenger side floor with his 12 coffee cups, baseball spikes, blue bath towel and empty cigarette packs.

So, now I am thinking about putting a Swiffer Duster in my car so I can take advantage of all the red lights I hit. I am thinking that Swiffer ought to start a new marketing campaign in which they extol the benefits of keeping a Swiffer Duster in your car. "You can clean your dashboard with it one minute and smack your kids in the backseat with it the next!!" (I actually know someone who keeps a fly-swatter in their car so that when their kids start bickering in the back seat she can swat them without even turning around. Brilliant!! I also heard about a woman who kept a wooden spoon in her purse so that she could hit her kids on the head with it whenever they were smarting off. Apparently she used it often too because it got to the point that all she had to do was open her purse and show her kids the spoon and they would immediately start behaving. Only an Italian woman would think of that.)

So, where do you suppose the guy with the Swiffer was going on a Saturday afternoon? To the car wash to vacuum his floor mats? To Jewel to get more Swiffer refills? My guess is that he was on his way to see his boyfriend because any man who keeps a Swiffer Duster in his car has got to be gay.