I'm back and I've been to church

In general, I am not a big fan of mega-churches. I don't really have a very good reason, except that I really like the feeling of a small church community. Plus, I just think that if you have to get to church an hour before the service so that you can park and get a good seat well....that's just like going to a sporting event, not worship. I always think that when I walk in the door someone is going to hand me a glass of Grape Kool-Aid and slap a Kabbalah bracelet on my wrist. Whenever I think of mega-churches I think of Scientology. Scientology makes me think of Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise practicing Scientology makes me think of arrogant, couch jumping assholery. (That's a new word I just made up. It's a combination of tom-foolery and asshole. I think it's fabulous.) Tom Cruise makes my skin crawl. Plus, I hate his teeth. And his nose. He's just smarmy. Just look at what he did to Katie Holmes! Here is Katie Holmes pre-Tom Cruise:

She's so cute and happy!
Here is Katie Holmes post Tom Crazy-ass Cruise:
She looks sad and afraid.
Their kid doesn't look much happier: I don't know...but Nicole Kidman sure looks better post-Tom.

Anyway, back to the mega church. I went with Brenna to the local mega-church in the Chicago area, which is Willow Creek. According to one of their press-releases, the weekend church services are attended by an average of 24,000 people. It's a huge "campus". I guess that is one of the reasons why I think I don't like mega-churches...if they are serving 24,000 people in one weekend, how can it be a community of God? Isn't it really like a show? When your pastor is a virtual celebrity then how do you connect with him?

In any case, Brenna and I went because Kate from the TV show John and Kate Plus 8 was going to be there as part of their Saturday night "church" service. We got to the church about 45 minutes before the service and we were lovingly guided to a parking spot by one of the many orange-suited parking "worship volunteers". The nice thing about trying to park at a very crowded church is that everyone is so nice. No honking or middle finger salutes here! Nope, everyone just follows the leader and goes where they are supposed to. This is an aerial view of Willow Creek Church. It's huge. See those ponds in the back? They literally do mass baptisms in those ponds. I can't imagine it's incredibly meaningful, but who am I to judge? Then we went in the church and tried to decide which level of the sanctuary we wanted to enter. You see, there are three levels and there are escalators to each level. But not just one escalator...no! There are 4 escalators. True. All around me I saw people on their cell phones trying to locate their friends so they could sit together. The crowd was unbelievable. The plan was that Brenna and I were supposed to meet our friends by the escalators on the first floor. However, after waiting for 10 minutes and trying to call my friend (The cell phone reception in Willow Creek sucks. I tried praying that I would see my friends, but that didn't work. I guess the 8,000 other people in the lobby made that a little difficult.) I decided to take the escalator up and see if I could see her from above. Once I got up there I realized there were other sets of escalators from the other side. I finally found one of my friends loitering by the coffee shop on the first floor. (Seriously.)

Once we finally got in the sanctuary (And I use that term loosely because it looks more like a huge auditorium. There isn't a cross or an eternal flame or any other indication that this is a church.) I looked around and thought, "This is so not working for me." This is the actual sanctuary. I would love to see The Foo Fighters here. The seats are all good and the sound is incredible. It would totally KICK ASS! Oops! Sorry. Blasphemous. Back to the service...Then, the band came out and told everyone to stand. Now, usually I hate that praise band crap where everyone raises their hands and sings and looks all enraptured. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I can't help but feel that they're faking it. I mean, who really feels full of the love of Jesus when they do that? If everyone experiences Christ in their own way, then how come everyone strikes the same pose when they hear praise music? Smacks of fakery to me but, again...who am I to judge? (Not that it keeps me from judging.) However, this band was really, really good. AND they projected all the words on the two big screens for those of us in the nose-bleed seats. I'm telling you, it was like a concert. The band played songs I knew so I sang and my very talented friend sang harmony next to me. It was awesome. I will go back for the music alone. Check out the big screens. Once the band was done they brought out Kate from that show. I've never actually SEEN the show, but I knew enough about it to be mildly interested. However, I was less than impressed with her. Sure, she had 6 babies at one time. Whatever. Yep, it's tough. I'm sure. But, when she was witnessing (so to speak) about some of the "miracles" that she encountered throughout the whole thing I just wasn't "feelin' it". Either she had gotten 15 Botox injections backstage which rendered her face almost immobile or she is just emotionless.
Luckily, the service ended with the band again, so I left happy.
Until we tried to find a bathroom. I'm telling you, the people at Willow Creek must never have to pee. Brenna and I had to go down to the lobby, through some big room full of tables with signs to indicate which groups were meeting where and through a cafeteria the size of the food court at the mall. Actually, it was much nicer than the food court at the mall.

In other news, I wonder if Sarah Palin would have brought her own stripper pole to Washington D.C. had she gotten elected, or if our tax dollars would have paid for it.

There goes Sarah Palin, classy as ever, to some shindig recently in Washington D.C. Perhaps she's lobbying for a position on the National "Cougar" Board. The guy behind her must be wondering how many more people are going to yell, "Hey baby! We'll be back for you later!" out of their car windows. I tell you, now that Palin is not making a laughing stock of the Republican party, she is still an endless source of amusement to me.

Just in case you thought the hooker boots were a one-time fashion risk...see her above on the campaign trail holding her baby to appeal to all the hockey moms and wearing the Pretty Woman boots to appeal to all the men. Look at the woman in the brown sweater. She's looking right at the boots and thinking, "What the...I don't want this whore representing my country! I'm voting Obama!" The boots and baby look alienated many a woman voter, I betcha! Patent leather boots belong on Barbies, 7 year olds and hookers.

Also, I thought I would just mention that my mother is back home and doing pretty darn well for a bald 78 almost 79 year old. I took her to her second chemo this past Monday and she is really proving to be much stronger than I thought she would be. Yippee Mom!! I miss having her stay in my house and I worry about her constantly, but she is stronger than cancer and she is going to make it through 4 more months of chemo just fine! (That's bravado, but just humor me.) However, she keeps letting the "music therapist" some in while she is having chemo and that freaks me out...but that is a story for another time...

Last but not least...JIM'S COMING!!! I know he's going to be fabulous in person. I am looking forward to many photo ops while he is here.

Oh! And I'm going to see Morrissey on April 4th. Whatever shall I wear???