50 out of 99

I got this list of books from Jim's Blog. I thought it would be fun to see how many of these books I've actually read. However, upon reading this list I have to wonder who the hell made this list up. Go ahead and see what I've read and then count up how many you've read and we'll see who wins!!

Instructions:
A) Look at the list and bold those you have read.

B) Italicize those you intend to read. (I didn't do this. It's stupid.)

C) Change to blue the books you LOVE.

D) change the color to pink if you've seen the movie (and perhaps that's good enough for you). I didn't do this either because some of the books I love were made into movies that I saw and I can't do pink and blue at the same time.
Read on, I put comments after every single book on the list.



1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen I can hardly remember this book. I read it in college.

2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien Honestly, I barely made it through The Hobbit. Why would I ever want to read these? I never saw the movies either. I know that I will get a bunch of flack for this from you Lord of the Rings freaks, but they look enormously stupid to me.

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte A book that you need to really be committed to. Once you get the hang of the language, it's compelling.

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling Hello! This should count as 7 books, right?

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee I made my mother-daughter book club read this last summer because it's such a great book. I was afraid that a bunch of 11 and 12 year olds would never finish it, but they all loved it.

6 The Bible I know that a bunch of people are going to claim to have read this but they really didn't. I really did. I did a year long, once a week for 3 hours Bible study and we literally read every single word. So, I can honestly say I have rad the entire Bible. Jesus is smiling.

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte This is a great book too. I named my daughter after the three Bronte sisters. Did anybody out there make that connection??

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell I read this in high school. I didn't get it. I don't care. I will never re-read it.

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman Brenna read this...wait, isn't this a series? Is it by that God-hater? I think so.

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens I read it. I can't remember a thing about it though.

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott This is one of my absolute favorite books. I can't believe Jo didn't end up with Laurie though. Still a big disappointment to me. I never saw the movie (either one) because I didn't want to ruin my picture of what the characters looked like. Plus, the recent remake had Winona Rider in it and I loathe her.

12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy I love the name Tess.

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller One of my husband's favorite books.

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare I have read a shit-load of Shakespeare. Took an entire class on Shakespeare in college. But, I haven't read them all. I bet the idiot who made this list hasn't read them all either. I only say that the person who wrote this is an idiot because s/he skipped number 44. Anyone who read the entire works of Shakespeare can count to 100.

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier Wasn't this a movie?

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien I read this in grade school because my sister was going to be in the play. She was some sort of wood sprite or something.

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks I've never even heard of this book.

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger My husband hates this book.

19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger This book has the weirdest premise, but somehow you manage to buy into it and believe.

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot What the heck is this book about? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell I read this book on vacation in Florida when I was in high school. It rained the entire time we were there and this was the fattest book I could find at the bookstore we went to. It's a great book. Better than the movie.

22 The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald This is one of my favorite books of all time. It has some of the most beautiful lines ever written. I have always wanted to be described as someone whose voice is full of money, like Daisy.

23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens Sounds depressing.

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy There's no fucking way I am ever going to read this.

25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams This book has always looked stupid to me.

26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh I think I'll catch the BBC version on Public TV instead.

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky This was the first "classic" book I ever read. I think it is one of the best books ever.

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck I think this was a movie too, eh?

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll I think this book is kind of silly, but my husband loves it.

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame Read it when was a kid.

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy I bought this book when I was pregnant with Bronte. Still haven't read it.

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens Hard to believe that I never read this one.

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis See number 36

34 Emma - Jane Austen I never saw this movie. The book was good enough for me.

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen I have no intention of reading this.

36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis The reason the person who wrote this is an idiot is because this book is part of The Chronicles of Narnia and if s/he had actually READ the books on this list, s/he would know that.

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini I checked this out from the library when it first came out. I couldn't put it down. I went to the eye doctor and read it there and I was so pissed off when they dilated my eyes because then I had to stop reading.

38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres This was a movie too, right?

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden I read this after I saw the movie.

40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne I still have my childhood copy of this book.

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell I hated this book.

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown I have never seen this movie. I intended to, but when I saw how Tom Hanks had his hair in the commercials for it, I knew I could never sit all the way through it looking at his ugly hair.

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez I would have to be stranded on a desert island with nothing but this book in order to read it.

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins Never heard of it.

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery I read this book to Brenna when she was in second grade. By the time we got to the chapter where Mr. Cuthbert dies I was sobbing and she had to read the rest to me. I love this book.

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy Don't know this one either.

48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood In general, I like Margaret Atwood, but I really didn't like this book.

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding I hated this book.

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan Read the book then saw the movie. Liked the movie better.

52 Dune - Frank Herbert Didn't read it or see the movie.

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons Huh?

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen I would like to see this movie.

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth huh?

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon ditto

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens Can't believe I never read this either.

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley Yuck.

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon Everyone should read this book.

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez Will never read this either.

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck Didn't like this book much.

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov Always intended to read this, but never did.

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt Wasn't this one of Oprah's book picks? Right. Like she reads those books.

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold I think this is being made into a movie, right?

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas Not in a million years.

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac Not in two million years.

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy Not in two and a third million years.

68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding Give me a break. What the fuck?

69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie Nope.

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville No interest in a fish tale.

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens Poor little Oliver.

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker This book scared the crap out of me. I suffered through the movie with Winona Rider just so I could see Gary Oldman. He's brilliant.

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett I hate gardening.

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Who the heck is Bill?

75 Ulysses - James Joyce I think I read the Cliff Notes in college.

76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath Another important book I never read.

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome Never heard of it.

78 Germinal - Emile Zola Managed to dodge this bullet in college.

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray Nope.

80 Possession - AS Byatt Never heard of it.

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens Hasn't everyone read this?

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell Never heard of it.

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker Never saw the movie and never will. Oprah is in it. I don't like Oprah.

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro I love this movie too.

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert Read this in high school.

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry Never heard of it.

87 Charlotte's Web - EB White My first grade teacher read this aloud to us over a period of time. When Charlotte died at the end, I was so distraught that the nurse called my mom and I went home. I couldn't believe the teacher read us such a sad book.

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom I know this book is supposed to be so great, but I thought it was totally hokey.

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle I read Encyclopedia Brown when I was a kid.

90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton What?

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad Read it in high school

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery I've read this book dozens of times.

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks Huh?

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams Love this book, but not enough to make it blue.

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole I've heard of this book, but have no idea what it's about.

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute ????????????

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas No interest.

98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare Read it in my college class.

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl I read everything by Roald Dahl when I was a kid. I love the movie with my friend Johnnie Depp. He's brilliantly creepy.

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo Saw the musical. Loved it. Cried. Unless the book is going to sing to me, I think I'll skip it.

So, I've actually read 50 of these 100 books (actually, there are only 99 books on the list). How about you?

Carolyn RULES!!!

I just made a lovely 4th of July trifle. It has pound cake and strawberries and blueberries and bananas and a whipped cream cheesecake filling. It is just beautiful and I told Tony to tell me how it tastes when we finally get around to eating it. The reason Tony has to tell me how it tastes is because I won't actually be eating any of it. No, it's not because I don't want the calories or because I am allergic to any of the ingredients. It's because I can't stand wet cake. Cake should be dry, not soggy. When I was a kid I never had ice cream and cake at birthday parties because the lazy moms who served ice cream and cake always put them both on the same plate. What the fuck? Ice cream and cake should NEVER, EVER touch. That's just disgusting. If you can't serve the ice cream in a separate dish then just don't bother. I don't like cakes with filling, I don't like cakes with fancy sauces, I don't like cakes with jelly and don't even get me started on the bastard ice-cream cakes. So, today when Tony told me that my trifle looked pretty and I responded with, "You'll have to tell me how it tastes," and then went on to explain my cake guidelines he said, "You need to write all this down."
So, here it goes...Carolyn's Rules (and not just on food either)
No Cooked Fruit:
I love fruit. I eat fruit every single day. However, I do not eat cooked fruit. I hate fruit pies. I hate fruit cobblers. I hate sweet and sour anything because it has hot pineapple in it. Mushy, hot cooked fruit makes me gag. I particularly loathe cooked raisins. I loathe uncooked raisins too, for that matter. Why would I want to eat a petrified grape? Sick.
There are two exceptions to the "cooked fruit" rule. The first is pineapple and Canadian bacon pizza. I love that. The second is blueberry muffins. Blueberry muffins are my absolute favorite muffins ever. I also like banana bread, but that doesn't count in the "cooked fruit" category because there aren't any big chunks of mushy cooked banana in banana bread. It's all mashed up and is not discernible as "cooked fruit". Don't tell me this doesn't make any sense because I don't give a shit what you think makes sense. These are MY rules.
No White Shoes:
The only white shoes that I find acceptable are manufactured by Nike. Other than that, white shoes are ugly and I hate them. Even my wedding shoes were off-white. Go ahead and send me pictures of all your fabulous white shoes...I hate them already.
No Grilled Food:
I don't understand the fascination with grilling. First of all, when you grill food you have to do it outside. Why would I want to cook outside? That's where all the nature is...and I don't want any nature in my food. To top it all off, you put some perfectly good meat on a grill that is filthy and you expect me to EAT IT? No fucking way. I can't stand the taste of grilled food either. You see those lines on a grilled burger?
That's all the dirt and grease and salmonella left behind by previously grilled food. Why would I want to eat that? I don't even like fake grilled food, like "flame broiled" burgers from Burger King. Those taste gross too.
I Always Drive:
Tony doesn't even pretend to want to drive whenever we go anywhere. It's not worth the grief. I am a terrible, terrible rider. I always tell Tony he's going too slow, or that he should put on the windshield wipers/lights/radio, etc. I roll my eyes and shake my head and ask things like, "What are you doing??!" Strangely enough, though, I HATE it when people tell me how to drive. Last night we were coming home from a baseball game and I slammed on the brakes at a yellow light. Tony abhors it when I do that and he loudly yelled, "Jesus!" and made a very tense mad face. I immediately turned on him. "What's your problem? Would you rather I RAN the light?" He wisely refused to take the bait and an argument was averted, but it still pissed me off.
I Have Refrigeration Issues:
I keep a cooler in the back of my car in the summer. That way, when I go grocery shopping I can put the refrigerated stuff in it for transport. Never mind that I live 5 minutes from the grocery store; that stuff could easily go bad in 5 minutes. I'm not taking that chance. When I was a kid I almost died from eating improperly refrigerated egg salad. Well, not exactly...my mother made egg salad from hard boiled eggs that had not been refrigerated for 3 days. You see, we went to New Jersey for Easter to visit my mom's family and dyed eggs while we were there. when we left, my mother packed a few in her suitcase and we drove back to Illinois, stopping for the night somewhere halfway. When we got back, my mom unpacked the Easter eggs and made egg salad and fed it to me and our next door neighbor for lunch. By 2 o'clock we were throwing up blood. Seriously.
So, don't be shocked if you are eating dinner at my house and half-way through the meal I start putting food in the fridge. I can guarantee you that no food at my house will ever cause you to puke blood. I may grab the salad dressing out of your hands the second you are done putting it on your salad so I can put it back in the fridge and I might urge you to drink your milk before it loses it's chill and therefore would need to be disposed of...but you will never get sick from lack of proper refrigeration. That's a promise.
Containers Are Important:
Pop should only be drunk out of a plastic glass. (Unless it's fountain pop and then it comes in paper)
Milk and water should be in a glass glass.
I hate the lids on "to go" coffee and always throw them away. I refuse to drink coffee with a damn lid on it. I will keep the lid on in the car for transport, but I take it off to drink it.
Speaking of coffee, it should never be served in a transparent glass mug. It doesn't even taste right in a glass mug. When I order a coffee and Bailey's in a restaurant, I always tell them I want it in a regular coffee cup. If I forget and they give it to me in a glass mug, I send it back and tell them to put it in a regular coffee cup.

Other Things I believe:
If you don't know the words, don't sing.
Don't read over my shoulder.
Colored mascara is stupid.
Magazines should always be stacked, never fanned out; it's too hard to get them properly spaced when they are fanned out and it doesn't look right.
Cut flowers are pretty, but they are a waste of money; skip the flowers and give me ten bucks instead.
Sleeping naked is wrong.
Don't pick your nose while you are driving...I can still see you. What makes you think you can't be seen?
Your Christmas tree should be taken down before New Year's Eve.
All women look better with make-up.
All plates should have separate compartments for different foods so that they never touch.