A tisket, a tasket...

Oh my gosh! Have you missed me? I miss me too! I got a stupid-ass job and now I have no life at all. If only we could all live the good life on the barter system--I could trade funny but bitchy blog posts for food, shelter and granite counter-tops.

Anyway...I went to another one of those "come over to my house and buy shit from my imaginary store" parties. I really don't like those parties, but I'll do just about anything to get out of the house so I went. Now, I don't have anything against multi-level marketing or anything...especially if the product is good and I will actually use it...but let's be serious here. When you invite someone over to your house for a REAL party, you don't suggest that they bring a friend to get a free gift. Conversely, you don't go to one of these "parties" for the conversation, unless you like to pretend that you are participating in the world's longest infomercial. You also don't show up at a "party" expecting NOT to buy something. I can't tell you how many times I have been to one of these events and over heard women comparing notes on the cheapest thing they could possibly buy and not look like they were just trying to buy the cheapest thing so they could get the fuck out of there. Honestly, does anyone even believe that whole "don't feel like you HAVE to buy something" crap? Of course you have to buy something...that's why you were invited! I would never be so stupid to think that if I accepted an invitation to a "buy stuff party" and didn't actually buy something I wouldn't be raked over the coals by the hostess and her friends the minute I left. I remember going to one of those retarded basket parties once. I had no idea how expensive those stupid baskets were! I was struggling to find anything in the catalog that was under 50 bucks! Plus, those rabid basket lovers had no sense of humor whatsoever. We were all sitting around listening to the basket lady's spiel (well, I wasn't really listening. I was drifting off because I had already had, like 3 glasses of wine.) and she told us to look on page 10 of the catalog. We all dutifully did and she said, "See that picture? It's the Longaberger basket factory! It looks JUST LIKE this Longaberger basket!" and she held up an ordinary looking picnic basket.
I was so floored by her enthusiasm for this ridiculous fact that I snidely said, "Only bigger, right?" She looked at me with her best confused-puppy look and sweetly said, "What?" And I replied, "Well, you said it looks just like the basket you're holding and I was just hoping it was bigger," and then I started to laugh because I thought it was fucking hilarious and I had already had 3 glasses of wine. I'm not kidding you when I say that I was the only one who saw the humor in that. I looked around the room and no one was even smiling which just made me laugh even more. I was practically crying at this point. I made things worse by adding, "Imagine how small the workers would have to be! They'd all be slaving away to make these humongous baskets. It would take those tiny little elves a year to make just one basket! No wonder they're so expensive!" Okay, now I was really laughing because the whole concept of going to someones house to buy $150 baskets was so stupid...but, yet, there I was anyway! What the...?!?!? Plus, I couldn't imagine how many drugs you would have to be on to actually think you could make a living selling these over-priced baskets in people's houses in a "party" context and get all excited about a factory shaped like a frickin' picnic basket. I actually had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard and I was obviously offending everyone with my superior sense of the absurd. Needless to say I was never invited back to that woman's house again. But, honestly...who has a stupid basket party to begin with?

In any case, some of these parties I actually love. I LOVE Pampered Chef parties. I get to watch someone (besides me) cook and I always really WANT to buy something. I really do use all 3 sizes of scoops I bought. (I didn't really think I would, but I wanted the complete set so I bought them all.) I also love any party that includes make-up. Because I used to be a make-up artist it's fun for me to see what's out there and to hear the funny shit the "hostess" will say to sell it even though she has NO CLUE what she's talking about. (Now, I have a friend who sells skincare and makeup and nutritional products in this "party" way and she is actually really good. She knows a butt-load about the nutritional and skin-care products, but doesn't know beans about make-up because she rarely wears any. Because she is a frickin' genius she asked me to come and do some make-overs at a "party" at her house and I did it because she enticed me with a basket of free stuff. Love free stuff! I had a lot of fun and she sold a bunch of make-up, so it was a win/win, except for the fact that she keeps trying to suck me into the "cult". I have resisted so far, but I also won't drink any beverage she offers me.) So, this party I just went to was a new product I have never heard of...Lia Sophia jewelry. I like jewelry as much as the next guy, so I thought I would go even though I knew the mark-up on the stuff was somewhere around a million percent. Whatever. I have a stupid job now so I can buy myself some over-priced costume jewelry out of a catalog while I'm half-popped on cheap wine coolers if I want to! Despite myself, I had fun looking at the stuff and actually bought something I really like. We'll see how I feel about it when I actually get it. It was fun at the moment and I cheerfully wrote the check for it, but I came home with NOTHING. That's what I hate about these parties. When I buy something, I want it right now. I don't want to wait until the hostess decides to "close the party" and then wait another week for shipping. I want to go home and have it in my hands so I can play with my new toy right away. By the time my new necklace reaches me my wine cooler buzz is a thing of the past and I really might want that 40 bucks back. I guess we'll have to wait and see.